Hey You, Asshole

HEY YOU!

*Ronn Owens: Boy, Mr. Lowenstein, has times changed: Ten years ago you were three years into a new contract and about midway sucking off Luckoff for another extension. Mattresses, an infusion of Copie, and Cumulus karma ruined the day. Maybe "Ronn Owens Report" is God's way of giving you the middle finger.

*Ben Fong Torres: BFT, even Jan Wenner is bored to death of your Sunday column in the Pink section of the Chron. Ben, I hear IHeart is looking for a PR person. You'd be awesome.

*Hey you, Larry Beil of KGO: Your egotistical rants have made the Circle7 newsroom. Everyone pretty much hates your guts and why? You backstabbed Mike Shumann; you berated (again) a whole bunch of interns; you SUCK TWS endless times or should I say you BROWNNOSE like a total sellout. Maybe you should work for the Trump administration.

*Hey You Asshole, Kenny Wardell: you're a total hypocrite --a bad ass one at that; see what sucking off Mattress man got you? Kenny, you're a blowhard. An A-grate blowhard with all the authenticity of a French restaurant in Lodi. Go get a hold of yourself, dude!

*Mark Ibanez: Hey you, Mark, loyalty is a very huge entity; something you obviously lack. Behind the pretty boy smile and persona is a life's worth of empty promises. You lack commitment. Why do I bring that up? Because it's real. How do I know? Ask your past three ex-wives. Mark, you're in the stretch run of your career. Keep it simple now. And oh, by the way, STOP texting interns.


*Darya Folsom, one of these days, you'll look back and understand there was only one Carol Doda and she had better make-believe cantaloupes. I hear KRON staffers play a drinking game at "Grumpy's": every time you,  Darya embarrasses yourself, (and by extension, KRON) they take a shot of Bullet Bourbon --that's a lot of booze, baby!

*Liam Mayclem: AKA: foodie chap: good news? you're not a huge hack. Bad News? You're merely a hack. The Irish accent is supposed to make you seem dignified. Yeah, where, in the Tenderloin? Just po-lease, shut up, and go eat a raw duck liver.

*Tom Vacar: God I thought the late Charles Krauthammer was a stuffed windbag until I've watched you of late. Tom, you're nothing but an aging blowhard full of brown toilet paper, take a nice ride to Tahoe and read some old Playboys; loosen up.

*Hey you, Frank Somerville: it's quite alright to have an affair. It's as American as apple pie. It improves your street image. Relax, Frank. Don't be so anguished. If you were that sensitive and paranoid you wouldn't have unzipped the zippies to begin with.

*Julie Haener: I'm supposed to play nice, Julie. Hell no. You're about as sweet and innocent as a Jimmy Hoffa teamsters rally in Dearborn in the middle of winter. The public should know what I KNOW and Dennis knew full well: you're a manipulative, mean-spirited, bitch with enough back stabs to impress an Emeryville butcher. And quit with the cutesy face, JH, you're essentially a smarter Heather Holmes. But not that smart, really.

*Roberta Gonzales: hey Roby, who the hell cares anymore?

*Juliette Goodrich: was it because I dare rip your boring, obnoxious, arrogant, prick otherwise known as Brian Hackney? He and Allen Martin have enough internal gas to rival a Livermore  windmill.

*Any nighttime 95.7 FM 'The Game" talk-show host: No matter how much you all try to be interesting, funny, compelling, whatever, in actuality a farting contest involving blind midgets is more intriguing.

*Hey you, asshole, Peterson Dean guy, I wouldn't hire you if it it minus 700 below and raining down every black crow in America, you're so annoying and irritating you make me look like the male Mother Teresa.

*Hey you, KQED the minute the feds do an audit all of yous might be asking a pledge break for your bail.

*Hey you, Gary Radnich, it's not nice to send love letters to certain KRON traffic anchors in the morning --have you been, again, listening to that song, "Black is Black, I want my baby back?"

*Hey you, Damon Bruce: your shit is as stinky as mine; please, get a grip.

*You too, Krueger.

*Hey, Stan, god get a hold of yourself and do this: Google "Rupert Pupkin."

*Hey you asshole, Toonces the Driving cat? Just go fuck yourself you ancient pussy!

*Hey you, jerkoff, Bill Martin? I got your low-pressure system right here!

*John Rothmann: You're not as smart as I thought you are and another thing: tell the wife to take the chain off you. It's killing your career. Between you and Ronnnnnnnnnnnn, the old KGO stench stinks more then a Carson City whorehouse.

*Brian Copeland: Not a genuine Black, sincere, real, authentic, man, dialing for dollars now and begging for Cumulus crumbles. Angela might get enough cash to buy a few jokes that work well in Fremont.

*The Las Vegas Traitors: Just get the hell out of here right now, take your silver and black ass --Oakland needs you like I need another root canal.

Have a nice day.