Open Phone Bay Area

Larry King

CHANNELING LARRY KING ...just for a few moments …

1. Berkeley, California, hello: "Hey Rich, I'm a chemistry teacher and I love good science, but Roberta Gonzales? Seriously?"

Answer: Sir, I don't make the news, I just report it, so obviously you have a problem with Roberta Gonzales returning to Channel 5, I have my own issues, but that's what she wants, at least for now. Go back to sleep and dream of Angie Dickinson."

2. Fremont, California, hello! "Rich, why does KRON continue to pay for those tacky patio furniture commercials?"

Answer: To pay for Darya Folsom's wardrobe, Ken Wayne's salary and Radnich's retirement.

3. We go to South San Francisco, California, hello! "Hey, Rich, before I ask you about Larry Beil on KGO, why is it, Rich, and you know this, the damn Jews own the media.!"

Answer: Sir, are you ALONE? Let me guess, there is no woman laying next to you, right?

4. Pacifica, California, Hello: "Rich, I was watching KGO and Reggie Aqui kept making these smirks and weird comments about the 'San Jose Sharks players, what gives?" 

Answer: Maybe he has certain preferences, sir. Think of Baskin Robbins and 31 flavors.

5. Fresno, hello! "Rich, you constantly write about this 'Blue Box' just what the hell is the 'Blue Box.?"

Answer: Sir, it has a lot to do with schtick, ever heard of that? Or were you born on this earth to ask stupid questions. Do me a favor, take a long walk on a short pier, will ya?" "Good night Sir."

6. Walnut Creek California, Hello! "Rich, I'm naked!" 

Answer: Another moron here, sir, do this: take a valium now and go to the nearest bar and order a couple of high balls.

7. Foster City California, Hello: "Rich, the KTVU "10 O'clock News" had this technical problem on last night; they were off the air for over 10! minutes! What was going on?"

Answer: I have no idea, did Frank Somerville show up on set with his girlfriend or were those texts of the sports guy and intern making the rounds, maybe that's why the power went out."

8.Belvedere California, Hello: "Rich, ever had a woody watching certain women newscasters?"

Answer: Sir, what's a 'woody? Is that some sort of new phrase, like you mean...oh, that?" Check back in a few weeks, I'll tell you."

9. San Francisco, Hello! "Rich, why do the Jews reject Jesus?"

Answer: To rid the airwaves of Brian Sussman.

10. Belmont California, Hello: "Hey Rich, I was riding my bicycle home the other night listening to KCBS and they had this---INTERUPTION: "Sir, GET TO THE POINT, WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION!!??" 'Well, Rich, Jan Wahl was talking about her crush on Paul Deanno and, CUT.

Answer: Sir, let me gues, you are ALONE and are eating a box of freetos right now, right?