Saturday Personal Reflections

I HAVE ALWAYS TRIED TO WRITE WHAT I BELIEVE; And add passion to what I posted even if it meant compromising the few friends I have in and out of the business. It has left me with a deluge of emotional outbursts sometimes embarrassing and unbecoming and put me in an awkward position; I'll admit it, it is difficult to deal with but I wanted to share my feelings with you.

To wit:

When my mom passed it left me totally incapacitated and myself hoping I could carry on with life and continue to operate and cope. I know I'm not alone in that department so I'm speaking on my own behalf. Dealing with all this has left me in a vacuum for which I'm seeking outside help and just taking things day by day.

I was, and still am, feeling down because there has been quite a bit of angst because I said to myself:

"How can you continue to write negative things about people; in some cases, deeply personal, to those who work here, legitimately or not, while at the same time feeling quite lonely and out of sight, out of mind?"

It's a legitimate question.

I tried, and try, to say that in order to maintain the blog you've come to like, enjoy and appreciate that my feelings, my professional feelings and opinion has nothing to do with my own personal life nor should it be yours too. I mean, one has nothing to do with the other, right?, therefore I just can continue on and write the blog and try to keep my own personal life and its complexities out of the domain.

Outside of the immediate week when mom passed, I have written the blog and tried to keep it honest and opinionated combined with Bay Area media news I find interesting and provocative. Most of you really enjoy the edgy material because you want to read real passion and opinion not filtered with outside interference that often make real takes rather mundane and tepid. And I've mostly kept with that tradition and with your (and mine) blessings I will continue to try to be genuine and sincere even if by being so and writing as such, I will feel some unease along the way. Again, I've tried to separate my professional blog life with my present personal situation which is riddled with a feeling of sorrow, general depression and extreme malaise. This is my therapy and I hope you continue to take me seriously while I battle my own demons. If for a moment I thought I was incapable and not fully functional; out of it mentally and physically alike, to not write this then I would stop and take some time and consider another avenue. It's a dilemma and it makes me sick sometimes but I'm not at that point yet and hopefully will continue to get better and deal with my own Rubik's cube.

Understand that I come public not to shock and awe but to be truthful and up front because many of you have become, (and I don't know whether this is good or bad) family. I say that because being public about my own dirty laundry makes me feel bad but I had to confront it with you and coming out with this at least provides some basis for my occasional neurosis and complex state of being.

I deal every day with just trying to survive and make this site available for those of you who appreciate its existence. I have no regrets there and although it irks me that I have to ask you all to donate or subscribe to the blog, that is where I am at; this is my day and night job and will continue to be so until someone or something says otherwise. That, I know, is a certainty.

Along the way in the decade-plus time I've been writing 415 Media I have made mistakes and blew some stories and was downright wrong; my subject matter has been fairly consistent. And while some of you are aghast and think I'm the scum of the earth (your right to feel) at least I can say I try to do my best and not seek any hurt to anyone unless they or them cause me extreme hurt myself.

My frequent tantrums against the usual suspects; the companies and some of its lemmings who killed radio here, I will still call out and point to their further destruction of some once-great entities. It may have cost me a career here but at least I was up front and honest; at least I didn't sell out or compromise my own being based on maintaining a paycheck with the beast. You know who they are.

FINALLY...

I appreciate all your feedback; good and bad. I read it all and it helps me knowing quite a lot of you are just as passionate as I am. I thank you for both your support and repeated loyalty --it means a lot.

Even to those of you who despise me, hate me, want me further harm and emotional unease, I too thank you; wait, I'm being serious; because you still come here and read me and that says a lot. That even if I cause you great anger and resentment; enough for you to belittle me; taunt me; make jokes and insults about me and my family; belittle my mom's passing and threaten me; at least I know you care. We may disagree, sure, but you care and caring matters.

Thanks for reading 415 Media.

NOTE:

WE, I really, need your Help and Support. 415 MEDIA is a self-supportive, independent media blog that survives SOLELY on reader donations and subscriptions. 415 Media is heavily dependent on donations (of any amount) to survive and provide Bay Area readers who are interested in local TV and Radio news and commentary.

To Keep 415 Media UP and RUNNING and to read unedited, unfiltered, and unique content every day, 24/7, I ASK YOU to go to the Right Side of the blog on the PAYPAL ICON and SUBSCRIBE (for $25 a year) and/or DONATE NOW.

Your contribution(s) keeps 415 MEDIA Humming along and sustainable. Without your help, this site is GONE. Please contribute. Your donations are 100% confidential and you don't have to have a PayPal account to contribute. In addition, I will personally call you or E-Mail you thanking you for your contribution.

Thanks.

Rich