I am Sick and Tired; KGOne to the Crapper

I, your vaunted blogger, had to go to the doctor today.  A specialist.  Someone to treat a bad case of "rectaloctolosis."  That's right, a gaping a-hole of seeing things with a crappy outlook.  In the words of KGOne's worst nightmare to come to radio in a decade, Karap-pel, my case is as "explosive" as the "explosive diarrhea" he had to tell all 17 of his listeners about on Saturday night on the 50,000 watt blowtorch that bears the name KGOne.  Oh yes,  it was ten minutes of poop hittin' the fan Saturday.  But I digress.

So, I'm in the doctor's and he's got his stained lab coat on, like, maybe the last person before me also had a bad case of "rectaloctolisis" and he walked out with a pair of  unfashionable sunglasses covering his eyes.  I became afraid.  "A lot of that going around, Doc?" I asked.  "Yes, I'm afraid so.  Not much winter so far, so, people have come down with this disease apparently from listening to Ronn Owens on KGOne."

"What an ass," I said.  "Yes, that's the problem.  It's a bad case of "mental matressparalysisdusleeptrain."  It used to be contagious a lot more.  Now, it's just a strain, but a big one." 

"Lots of people straining to hear that a$$hole, Doc, I replied."

"Here, I'll have my assistants come over and look you over,"  he stated.  A guy came over and tried to lighten the load, so to speak, and said, "I'm Brian, disingenuous black guy, stand-up comic, TV star on Channel 7 in the afternoon and part time talker on weekend on KGOne Radio."

He called his assistant over, the one with all the tools who I swear looked and sounded like some wayward hyper angry  paranoid insecure guy dressed in drag, wearing some kind of tool around his neck."  "I AM KAREL!," he said. Talk about explosive.  I thought I had blown my appendix out. 

"OK, Copey, I'll take it from here," said the doctor."

"So, what been happening, Rich?"

"Well, first of all, I hear these new ninnies, this Monty dude, then Bower.  Then that imbecile Karel and, today, mattress man and his boy wonder, call screener weenie, Jared.  I have 40,000 blog readers who follow my wording and I can't take sick for them."

"Hmmm.  I see," said the doc.

"So, today, I'm listening and I'm hearing Mike Amatori announcing about the ice skating rink that KGOne is sponsoring again this year.  And not once, but TWICE I hear, "...from KGO NEWSTALK 8-Ten."  Oh my god (OMG!) -  I wanted to hurl, because right after that was another SweetJack spot.  I can't take it anymore, doc."

"OK, so what about Mattress Man?" the doc asked, as his assistants stood buy slobbering all over themselves.

"Well, it seems like boy-wonder Jared is trying to let only younger callers on the air, especially on the Owens show.  Unless, all the older people have passed on already, maybe to NEWSTALK 9-10, KKSF." I noted, trying to grin.  I started to cramp up a bit.  I was afraid of more explosive discharge.

"On top of that, Mattress Man spent nearly an HOUR at 11 o'clock moaning the loss over his ass-kissing friend, Pat Buchanan from MSNBC.  It was sickening.  I mean, who gives a big rat's turd about THAT has been??

"Owens?" the doc asked.  "Well, yes, but as much Buchanan, too."

"Hmmmm, I see."

"To top it off, Owens had the NERVE to say, "CNN is the middle road of news,  FOX News is, well, a bit to the right and MSNBC -- well -- no one knows where there are.  I like a little diversity.  MSNBC is trying to be like FOX but from the left."

"Really? Who gives a crap, if you'll pardon my pun!" Copey was thinking.  I could read his silent mind".

"Well, he said -- IT'S NOT LIKE HAVING THE SAME VOICES SAYING THE SAME THINGS ALL THE TIME.  WE DON'T DO THAT HERE at KGOne, thank god."  He mumbled something about diversity being good but never once mentioned that his "friends" were the voices of diversity before they were crap-canned and now, there is a right-wing non-diversity filling up the airwaves on the "former" NewsTalk 810.

It was like, "Oh, those people don't exist anymore.  Not much signal, it's Cheap Channel and they'll never last.  Rothman is on today for Gene from 4-7 because, poor Gene, he, apparently, is stuck listening only to Karel, from what he says.  Such a shame."

Yep, ice skating rink still sponsored by NEWSTALK 810.  No calls in the last hour of Owen's mess because it's about who? Pat Freaking Buchanan which no one in that 25-54 year old demo gives crap about.  SweetJack spots up the wazoo.  Ronn sounding as bored as he can be and, again, acts like he is the voice of reason, no, make that the Voice of Treason on KGOne because "We have diversity, thank god."

I pulled up my pants and left, with a prescription.  Something about listening to 910 from now on.

What a bunch of crap!

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