Monday, January 9, 2012

I am Sick and Tired; KGOne to the Crapper


I, your vaunted blogger, had to go to the doctor today.  A specialist.  Someone to treat a bad case of "rectaloctolosis."  That's right, a gaping a-hole of seeing things with a crappy outlook.  In the words of KGOne's worst nightmare to come to radio in a decade, Karap-pel, my case is as "explosive" as the "explosive diarrhea" he had to tell all 17 of his listeners about on Saturday night on the 50,000 watt blowtorch that bears the name KGOne.  Oh yes,  it was ten minutes of poop hittin' the fan Saturday.  But I digress.

So, I'm in the doctor's and he's got his stained lab coat on, like, maybe the last person before me also had a bad case of "rectaloctolisis" and he walked out with a pair of  unfashionable sunglasses covering his eyes.  I became afraid.  "A lot of that going around, Doc?" I asked.  "Yes, I'm afraid so.  Not much winter so far, so, people have come down with this disease apparently from listening to Ronn Owens on KGOne."

"What an ass," I said.  "Yes, that's the problem.  It's a bad case of "mental matressparalysisdusleeptrain."  It used to be contagious a lot more.  Now, it's just a strain, but a big one." 

"Lots of people straining to hear that a$$hole, Doc, I replied."

"Here, I'll have my assistants come over and look you over,"  he stated.  A guy came over and tried to lighten the load, so to speak, and said, "I'm Brian, disingenuous black guy, stand-up comic, TV star on Channel 7 in the afternoon and part time talker on weekend on KGOne Radio."

He called his assistant over, the one with all the tools who I swear looked and sounded like some wayward hyper angry  paranoid insecure guy dressed in drag, wearing some kind of tool around his neck."  "I AM KAREL!," he said. Talk about explosive.  I thought I had blown my appendix out. 

"OK, Copey, I'll take it from here," said the doctor."

"So, what been happening, Rich?"

"Well, first of all, I hear these new ninnies, this Monty dude, then Bower.  Then that imbecile Karel and, today, mattress man and his boy wonder, call screener weenie, Jared.  I have 40,000 blog readers who follow my wording and I can't take sick for them."

"Hmmm.  I see," said the doc.

"So, today, I'm listening and I'm hearing Mike Amatori announcing about the ice skating rink that KGOne is sponsoring again this year.  And not once, but TWICE I hear, "...from KGO NEWSTALK 8-Ten."  Oh my god (OMG!) -  I wanted to hurl, because right after that was another SweetJack spot.  I can't take it anymore, doc."

"OK, so what about Mattress Man?" the doc asked, as his assistants stood buy slobbering all over themselves.

"Well, it seems like boy-wonder Jared is trying to let only younger callers on the air, especially on the Owens show.  Unless, all the older people have passed on already, maybe to NEWSTALK 9-10, KKSF." I noted, trying to grin.  I started to cramp up a bit.  I was afraid of more explosive discharge.

"On top of that, Mattress Man spent nearly an HOUR at 11 o'clock moaning the loss over his ass-kissing friend, Pat Buchanan from MSNBC.  It was sickening.  I mean, who gives a big rat's turd about THAT has been??

"Owens?" the doc asked.  "Well, yes, but as much Buchanan, too."

"Hmmmm, I see."

"To top it off, Owens had the NERVE to say, "CNN is the middle road of news,  FOX News is, well, a bit to the right and MSNBC -- well -- no one knows where there are.  I like a little diversity.  MSNBC is trying to be like FOX but from the left."

"Really? Who gives a crap, if you'll pardon my pun!" Copey was thinking.  I could read his silent mind".

"Well, he said -- IT'S NOT LIKE HAVING THE SAME VOICES SAYING THE SAME THINGS ALL THE TIME.  WE DON'T DO THAT HERE at KGOne, thank god."  He mumbled something about diversity being good but never once mentioned that his "friends" were the voices of diversity before they were crap-canned and now, there is a right-wing non-diversity filling up the airwaves on the "former" NewsTalk 810.



It was like, "Oh, those people don't exist anymore.  Not much signal, it's Cheap Channel and they'll never last.  Rothman is on today for Gene from 4-7 because, poor Gene, he, apparently, is stuck listening only to Karel, from what he says.  Such a shame."

Yep, ice skating rink still sponsored by NEWSTALK 810.  No calls in the last hour of Owen's mess because it's about who? Pat Freaking Buchanan which no one in that 25-54 year old demo gives crap about.  SweetJack spots up the wazoo.  Ronn sounding as bored as he can be and, again, acts like he is the voice of reason, no, make that the Voice of Treason on KGOne because "We have diversity, thank god."

I pulled up my pants and left, with a prescription.  Something about listening to 910 from now on.

What a bunch of crap!


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20 comments:

  1. ...you should probably see a doctor. You are falling off the deep end. The over/under line on I hate KGO stories per day is 4. Get a cat or something

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  2. Egads, this is certainly a case of a stretched metaphor.

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  3. Comedy gold, Rich.

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  4. Ok Rich, listen carefully. Take deep breaths, drink lots of water, and stay inside. You'll be OK in eight to twelve hours.

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  5. Does anybody have a list of advertisers that have stopped their ads on KGO? I'd really like to send them a note of thanks and maybe spend some money with them.Maybe after that I'll send a copy of my receipt to those who still think KGO place to advertise.

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  6. Rich, that was great, Owens what an idiot

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  7. Rich, the joke went on too long. It would've been funnier if it was condensed about 20 paragraphs. More comedy of this type and you are gonna make Copey look like the second coming of Richard Pryor...

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  8. For a minute there I thought maybe Pat Buchanan died. Had to go over to drudgereport to find that he has been "suspended"

    Oh well, Ronn can still catch him on McLaughlin, on PBS no less.

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  9. No that was good stuff richie, you're a friggin genius. 1.57 do you mean a pussy?

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  10. As first, Rich, I was glad you were keeping my apprised of what was happening on KGOne, especially since I stopped listening December 1, 2011. Now, I don't even care. KGOne is in the same place as my favorite pair of hip-hugger, bell bottomed jeans, my psychedelic vest, and the Gemini medallion I left so long again. Do feel the need to even think about any of those bygone time except when a brief whiff of nostalgia hits me when driving down E14th in Oakland -- yep, that street used to be safe to walk at night to get a burger -- KGO is gone from my thoughts and mattress man lives with other unpleasant thoughts.

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  11. I thought Ronn was a self- professed middle of the roader and here he is upset that the right wing cultural warrior, Pat Buchanan, has been suspended from his cable TV gig? Ronn knows Pat's history includes several forays into his views of the " plight" of white males which often come off as racist. Pat is a dinosaur and offers no valuable insight to contemporary political issues. But then, so is Ronn.

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  12. OK, the USA Today version - "Owens Sucks. Copey Worthless, Karel Still Dimwitted Karel."

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  13. Rich -
    I hear there might just be a one-night opening at The Razz Room in The City and at the Planet Gemini in Monterey. Price for tickets just cut in half.

    Why do radio stations insist on hiring non-funny stand up comics to do "real" radio these days? Just sayin'

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  14. Rich remember when we all hung out at the burger stop in Montclair after school? The car clubs, madras boys and hot rodeos. You were in Aza and I was in BBG- the good old days of the Hungry I. Ira Blue and great newstalk. Close your eyes and remember the good times at Skyline High.

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  15. Rich
    I agree with the previios posts. KGO is dead, they are with KSJO and KOME in radio past. Focus on the future. And any update on Dennis Erectus?

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  16. I am a newcomer to this site, living in Southern California part of the year. It is a blessing, fun and informative, I am now a faithful daily reader, but I gotta say... compared to a similar LA blog called "So Cal Media Watch," (don't know if Rich has ever had the time or interest to peruse it) there's a lot more intensity and a lot more fervent opinion. Wow! You guys mean business! And good for you for doing so.

    I grew up here in the long lost days of Don Sherwood, Van Amburg, Rod Sherry, Claude Mann, Jerry Jensen, and, per the topic of most fervent conversation, the mid-1960s "KGO 81" that featured such as Jim Dunbar, J.P. McCarthy, and Owen Spann doing his mid-morning program from the Domino Club on Trinity Place.

    I'm gonna hang on tight for the ride.

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  17. all I can say is "wow..." I followed most of this post although some of it did lose me. I'll still say "keep up the good work you do with this blog." I'd suggest that you need to give KGO a rest for a while. Consider this post the "flushing sound heard 'round the dial." I spent my first 22 years in the Bay Area (born in '64) so I grew up listening to "The Sound of the City" on KSFO. My favorite line is still "it's 5:45 and time for the Lon Simmons sports roundup, brought to you by Chevrolet..." My parents listened to KFOG before they gave up beautiful music than switched to KABL-FM with Bill Moen. So many wonderful radio memories. I remember listening the night KSFO changed formats (early '80's) when they were sold by Golden West Broadcasting.

    I follow this blog often and it keeps me hooked into the Bay Area. Keep up the good work, my friend, but you might take a few days and let KGO go.. As McCoy said to Kirk on more than one occasion, "It's dead, Jim."

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  18. I am tired to seeing it all go to crap. A loss of an AM radio institution. I wish we could buy a 50kw flame thrower and continue on, but the reality isn't going away. At least Mickey Luckoff did try to put "humpty dumpty" together again via KKSF newstalk 910. Maybe one can call the Loyah & or Gene Burns show 3pm-7pm(pst) to give them support: 1-800-345-5639

    Listen Live Link: http://bit.ly/KKSF910

    Dr Bill Wattenburg (http://drbill.us) drbill@KSCO.com Noon-2pm(pst) 831-479-1080

    Listen Live Link: http://bit.ly/KSCO1080

    Maybe still hoping that 50kw KTRB 860 would be still available for the re-incarnation of the old KGO.

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  19. Rich,

    Love ya and read ya daily dude but, seriously, the more attention that you give KGO, the more you are GIVING them. They be done, seriously, done! How about giving us some inside stuff going on at other stations and, like someone else said, let's focus on the future. I think you're furious... we are all furious... and we will express that to the FCC when the license renewal comes up.

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  20. Wow -That was painful to read.

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