It's a Wonderful Life

SOME OF YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK.

Bitch, bitch, bitch; moan, moan, moan; I thought I had an attitude.

Complain, complain, complain. Christ, the country is going to hell in a hand basket and all you guys do is bitch and moan.


Most of you freebies too which is why you deserve KQED and the Murph and Mac Show. Because in a world of walnuts you are filberts; in a time when adult behavior is supposed to be civilized and cogent, you text all your life. You're reduced to overweight, benign, nincompoops who have orgasms when they play with their smart(ass) phones and type sweet-nothings to one another. How awesome, dude! Congratulations on such a swell life. I'm sure your kids are proud. They were conceived by delusional assholes whose ego and narcissism is bigger than Lake Tahoe. I thought I was a schmuck until I woke up and smelled the roses.

And I cover this sickness. You are about as riveting as a blind date with a one-legged hooker in the Tenderloin. You think I'm grouchy; you have the nerve to call me out because I ask for contributions to sustain my ability to report on your flakiness and phony demeanor; half of you got in only because you were great under the table and kissed enough ass to acquire eternal brown toilet paper. Which is why you get fake and phony chef Ryan Scott and Ethan Bearman, human windbag somehow still employable by the cloud zombies. What a great country we live in where morons and cowards are able to cash a check because they were discovered by wonder asses who think their feces don't smell.

I am feeling blasé today because a good majority of you nauseate me. You think because I ask for money to keep this site going I'm going to go soft and fuzzy and write how Jan Wahl is so funny and brilliant, I'll get more donations. Think again. We're not that bad off yet; and damn right I'm writing in the third person; got a problem with that? Sue me. That's why you deserve Darya Folsom and Larry Beil. You're a glutton for punishment and today's your lucky day. Congratulations.

I'm sick and tired of your banality and vanilla wafers. You deride me because I made fun of Fremont and Fresno? I thought it was me that had no life. Seriously, and while I'm at it, pissed off and royally nauseous I'm going to call out names. Because that is what I do. And what some of you expect.

Jack Swanson? OK, you got the gig; be happy. Don't become smug Jack because, after all, you will reward that great patriot, Ronnnnnnnnn Owens, just released from the Union Street nail salon. Ronnnnnnnn's a great guy. I heard he and Chris Matthews had a collective hard-on when Willie Brown paid for lunch at Original Joe's. Ronnnn was so fired up he called Dr. Tara Fields and offered to bring her some rigatoni to microwave before their next date. What a wonderful life. Which is why you deserve Brian Copeland and Jeremiah Crowe.

I love the apples this time of the year. And I love melons too. Fresh fruit is so good when you're angry. You really believe I paid for the dinner at Tadich? It was a gift from a friend who looks like Stephanie Powers, so please, just shove it. I'm not in the mood; don't screw with me right now because I'm about to explode and you don't want to be near me. I don't want to be near me.

I'm supposed to put up with this garbage because it's the Internet. No, it's you. You aggravate me like no one else. True morons. Fake people with your damn emojis and fake lifestyle. You haven't lived tragedy like I have. You haven't experienced hell like I presently experience. I don't need your free lunches and dinners to massage my ego and make me feel important. So take your free ass pillows and the rightwing nutcase who owns the company and shove it up your backside. Got it?

I love the pumpkins this time of the year. The autumn wind and the blue skies and Stan Bunger's life in Alameda. Stan and Steve are so cool too. They live the life. The family, the stories. Life on Park Street, it's just a great time to feel the warmth and swagger of Stan and Steve. If they play their cards right, they could become the next Ken Bastida.

The other day I saw a guy with a bicycle on the Nimitz Freeway. I mean, talk about a wow moment. You had to be there.

Another thing: why was Gregg Kelley fired from KTVU? I'm just flabbergasted because even though Gregory was sort of lax on the job he did a lot of positive things at the station. He was fierce and loyal and protective of the company and he had a soft spot for maintaining company morale. He always bought candy bars for Mark Ibanez and gave free gas cards to Julie Haener. Now that is dedication. I'm puzzled by all the negative vibe directed at Gregg and Chris Nohr, the HR person at Channel 2. Chris is always spirited and happy. Happy Chris. That's what I call her, "happy." Because of Chris, I got invited to Pam Cook's Tupperware party.

I'm having an unusual morning. I feel so free and easy. The butterflies are out. The birds are chirping. It's a great country, this USA. And it's great to be alive and kicking and listening to Gary and Larry.
Which is why we live here.

#Basta