20 questions for Bay Area media; but probably won't get answered

1. Just how many times will the word, "dude" encompass an entire KNBR morning show? (Conversely, will "dude" be as prevalent as the 18 million sound "drops" on said radio morning show?)

2. How many giggles per hour for KGO radio morning news anchor Jennifer Jones?

3. Will Steve Moskowitz ever sever his financial commitment to virtually every radio/TV outlet in the Bay Area, thereby shutting down virtually every radio/TV station in the nine-county Bay Area?

4. Speaking of giggles, how many times will the KNBR Noon-3PM gigglers, (Flunkster dude and "Rod, 'I'm anal and pissed 24/7 for no apparent reason'-Brooks", cackle at their very own "jokes?"

5. At what point in any given broadcast, will KRON4's weather chick Darya Folsom acknowledge the obvious? (Ok, so I had to go there, but according to insiders, there's a lot more)

6. Will the Bay Guardian take a deep breath and once and for all quit searching for a 'Watergate story at City hall? I mean, there's probably some dirt somewhere, but you guys have been looking for twenty years and the best you can do is a Frank Jordan shower? Get back to us if you can find some pictures of Gavin Newsom and the cast of "Fox& Friends" in the buff with Sean Hannity.

7. Yo, KRON, how many more on-air talent will you call into the bosses office after another leak describing in detail how man times you, A. screwed with their heads and berated their work any given day, B. dispel the talk inside the newsroom of the "who's screwing whom?" (literally,) C. run a real sportscast with same-day sports highlights as opposed to day-old footage, d. was the Tommys Joynt XMAS party tab from '07 paid off?

8. Will Eve Batey of SF Appeal get off her high horse, (as if she was Catherine Graham) and stop dissing everyone else's work, (including mine); uh, Eve, just because you were once an editor at the Chronicle doesn't automatically make you Helen Thomas.

9. Oh, Henry Tannenbaum? KRON4 Simple: How the hell can you live with yourself? I mean, ok, so maybe you have a few coaches and some comped magnolia plants, but seriously Hank, are you aware of the rep out there? Hell, even I have a better rep than you, garden boy.

10. Will the on-line digitalista, (my word) please quit trying desperately to finger Phil Bronstein and admit to the obvious? Most all of 'yus are just damn plain jealous that Bronstein was married to Sharon Stone, has a ton of dough, writes better prose than most of you can scribble in a lifetime, and lives lavish and large. If you're going to hit, at least have the balls to take a hit back.

11. Will KTVU/Fox2 ever produce a mediocre "10 O'Clock News"? Ever?

12. Will Rita Williams ever resort to doing a story about the lack of canned hams at Christmas time at the Castro Safeway?

13. Will Gary Radnich finally admit to the story making the rounds that his 9-Noon gig at KNBR is being groomed for the 7-10 PM guy who is fresher, funnier, and most importantly, CHEAPER, which in radio these days is a sexy word.

14. Speaking of Gair Radnich, will the guy that rates your male rep based on whether you had a good family and if you have kids, ever cop to exactly WHY he took the Comcast gig with Willie Brown?

15. Will Ralph Barbieri actually sell his soul for a cheese-only Ameci's pizza instead of an exclusive with Barry Bonds?

16. The next time Mike Singletary of the 49ers has his "press briefing", will the spineless Bay Area sports media admit that the big guy coach has them INTIMIDATED up the ying-yang? (Yo Mike, you're stoic and pissed; the team's lost three in a row, and your O-coordinator has about as much imagination as a "Golden Girls" re-run--what sez you?)

17. Will KQED ever commit to a LOCAL newscast? Oh sure, the "we-have-no-money" bull has been their mantra for decades now, but '86 the stupid restaurant show and dump a few "This weeks in North Ca" and you have the dough to produce a half-hour news broadcast. Not that we'd automatically switch from a Seinfeld re-run, but it beats another 56 pledge breaks.

18. Will CBS5's Anna Werner STOP trying to imitate Mike Wallace, a la "60 minutes" fame? Anna, the days of confrontation-TV camera in your face were long gone when Wallace nabbed that crooked southern car dealer about ten years back. Your station already semi-ripped off 60 Min's with a half-baked "30 minutes" so please...the password is "stale."

19. Will Jan Wahl ever NOT like a musical and wax poetic about the latest "wonder" from Emily Dickinson? Jan, read the room! Go out and gorge on a box of large popcorn and go nuts on a Vince Vaugn fart film, for god's sake. Laughter is the greatest form of therapy!

20. Will someone please examine the inner chasm of the entire news operation at KRON? Like soon. I hear of daily horror stories and a GM that makes Congressman John Boehner look positively giddy. Matier and Ross? Yo, dudes, get out the pen and paper and descend to 1001 Van Ness. Don't follow the money; there is no money at Channel 4, but the stories are nice , gooey, and damn intoxicating if true and at least half of them have to be.

**A note from KAREL: "It was a year ago this week I uttered those famous words about the
plumber on KGO. I miss the signal, and the
audience and maybe three of the people. The rest? Radio history."