*Lee Hammer to the new guy: "I guess you think I'm special" --New guy: "Screw you, I'm not impressed. I need more cuts, Atlanta doesn't give a shit about 'live and local." Hammer to new guy: "Well, hell, neither do I."
John Rothmann to KGO intern: "There's no place I'd rather be than right here with you." Intern: "Oh really? Go fuck yourself!"
Nikki Medoro has a noon meeting with producer John Daly: "You know John, maybe I should just talk endlessly about my kids, the women seem to love it." Daily to Nikki: "If you do that, you'll be Chip Franklin and I'll be sending a resume to a Modesto AOR."
Hammer: "One more Chip Franklin, what's wrong with that?" You're fired!"
Lynn Sloan to Hammer: "Lee, I can work Daly's shift now, right?"
*Hammer to Atlanta Cumulus hdqs. "You know, I have a great idea: we could eliminate even more hosts; we could hire a canary that says "Oakland shooting" every two minutes. People would get a kick out of it!"
*Hammer calls in Pat Thurston: "Pat, could you work another two hours? Go from Noon to 6? Wait a minute, Rothmann would kill me."
*Bret Burkhart bursts in: "wooow."
*In the meantime, Chris Hernandez tells both Lee and the new guy. "I could make a promo of Bret saying, "wow." Hammer tells Hernandez that's cool but with one caveat" "We can't pay you for that."
*Hammer puts out staff memo: "No one is allowed to bring home leftovers from the Christmas party." "If we catch anyone stealing food and beer from the party, we'll make you listen to 'best-of Chris Merrill."
*Merrill bursts in conference room and begs Hammer to braodcast from Christmas party." I'll pretend to act like a horny Santa, It'll be cool and it won't cost a penny, Lee!" Hammer: "Ok, I'll think about it." "Can you do Nikki's show on Christmas Eve? I can't pay you extra, though." Merrill: "Lee, I'm all yours, anything you say."
*Hammer secretary to Lee: "Sir, Chip Franklin just called and said he didn't get paid for the last 'Anchor funding read." Hammer: "Tell him neither did KGO."
*Rothmann walks in and tells Lee that he'd be perfectly happy working the entire Christmas weekend, 24-7, and that when he takes a nap, "my wife could fill in and discuss C Crane radios."
*Out of the newsroom comes Burkhart: "Woooooow."
*Hammer to Thurston: "Pat, you have Ronn's phone number? I'm thinking of a "Arizona report" "I know Ronn would do it gratis as long as we get him a free cruise on the Colorado River."
*Burkhart reaction: "woooooow!"
*Steve Moskowitz arrives with wifey: "Hammer, you know, I can do extra adds on Thompson's (Mark) show and make it sound as if I was an IRS mouse attacking 'Fresh-faced Albert!" Hammer: "Sounds great, can you do it for free?"
*Burhart again: "woooow!"
*Rothmann: "This is just outrageous! Almost like 'the last PRESIDENT! of the United States!"
*Burkhart and Lynn Sloan's cat: "woooooow!"
*Rothmann to all: "why are you all not wearing masks?"
*Burkhart: "woooow"!
*Mark Thompson on line 2: "Lee, I can put my parents on again; they sound cool plus you don't have to pay 'em!"
*Burkhart: "woooow, how cool!"
Maybe you should do an animated cartoon bit with this script. It might hurt the talking heads' feelings though.
ReplyDeleteYou ever listen to Cal Tjader?
Great Rich...I needed a laugh...
ReplyDeleteLet the rest of us in on the secret.
Delete*CC walks in with a few dogs: "These are the men in my life".
ReplyDeleteNo wonder she stays at home so much.
Deletelol ... that's funny! Thanks Rich.
ReplyDeleteThis is the funniest thing I've read in months,somehow you have to make sure they all get a copy of it..and it's all true!!
ReplyDeletePostscript..john rothman is now doing the anchor funding spots that chip franklin was doing😆
DeleteAll I have to say is wooow-weeeeeeeeeeeeee!
ReplyDeleteHow old is that photo of the conference room?!? There's a Macintosh SE (black and white screen, 9" screen) and an original IBM PC, both from the mid 80s. Hall and Oats, sideways ponytails and balloon pants! Good times.
ReplyDeleteThat's funny. I actually did bring two dogs to KGO when I worked there long go. One was named "Hector" and had been one of Michael Vick's tortured dogs. He was brought here along with 13 others in cooperation with the feds who were prosecuting Vick. Bad Rap in Oakland, a sanctuary for pit bulls and a great resource for their people brought him to the Front Street studios. He fell asleep in my arms as I told his story on the radio. He wore an argyle sweater and had brass medallions on his collar. He lived well into his teens.The other dog was a white pit bull puppy found in a pool of blood in Vallejo, her eye shot out and bullet wounds in three of her legs. Vallejo Animal Control rescued her(Precious) and donations paid for her surgeries. I adopted her on the air. She was wearing casts on two legs. She lived with me for nine years with fenced acreage to roam and horse's chins to kiss.
ReplyDeleteThey were both great guests.
Burkhart the Screech of KGO radio
ReplyDeleteon Friday night, john rothman twice said he would "see you monday at 6", so i guess he still can't accept his earlier time slot..lol
ReplyDelete