KRON: Hey, Will Tran, your breathless reporting from the scene of the Fremont Police Standoff was not reviewed well by viewers who actually watch KRON.
The "Golly-Gee, I'm on TV!" and frantic pace of your demeanor left several folks bewildered, including me.
Yo, Will, that "interview" of the PIO guy was unbelievably, unintentionally hilarious. I mean, by comic standards, you hit it out of the park. He even looked at you like, "WTF is this guy asking me?! And to make matters even more confusing if not bizarre, what was the reason why you kept telling us, "I live in Fremont", so what? Now, had you been yourself one of the residents unable to get back in your home, well of course that would been worthy of mentioning, maybe once or twice. Outside of that, everything else made no sense --but as I keep saying, it's KRON. Land of infomercials, patio furniture promos and insane sports anchors who park their Bentley in handicapped zones and make other anchors feel nauseous.
*KGO-TV has a veteran, tenured, anchor/reporter whose contract is up and management doesn't really like the person. Contract negotiations could be more chaotic than a Friday summer line outside Disneyland. Did I say, Disney? They're hella cruel.
*More KRON: if you continue to high-five yourself, "we were the FIRST to tell you", ad nauseam, then the 15 people watching will be reduced to 10. Just do your damn job. Give your viewers the NEWS! How difficult is that. And, Jesus Christ, can Steve Aveson be more of a dork than he is? It would be too easy and kind to label Aveson a new Ron Burgundy but it's tempting. Aveson acts like he's some Fresno toastmaster with his straight, "I'm a newscaster, look at my eyes and listen to me, I'm seriously serious!" For crying out loud, Steve, you're reading a teleprompter, not reciting the Ten Commandments.
*Last KRON: Please, please, CAN the HORRIBLE, OLD music jingle. It should have been aborted long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away near the toilets in Tommy's Joynt. You made a big deal about moving out of Van Ness and into the waterfront, now flush that jingle down the john, immediately --otherwise, you have to watch an old Jim Paymar infomercial.
*Roberta Gonzales : just when I thought we were friends again. Look, sweetie, if you play your cards right, I'll buy the next round of margaritas.
*KPIX: Oh dear lordie that May Sweeps was pretty awful --may be time to hire another Hawaiian Walmart clerk. Wait a minute!
*"Hi, I'm Swen McDubbledork and I work for Dan Rosenheim --we flew you, Gunther Bonerman, out to SF to interview for the morning show--I see you have a great tan and you're half Jewish and Asian, great, dude,--can you start next week?"
*Big Donnie and Marie news at KGO: no dancing reported during commercials. That's progress. Now if only male doofus would stop tweeting Sharks hockey players.
*I'm being serious here, KGO-TV has a "gay" issue inside the newsroom and if you don't believe me, Trixie and Billy, ask your favorite snitches.
*Radnich, I'm told, is going to the Warriors/Cavs game on Sunday, shit!, a sports guy actually going to a sporting event! Damn, time to pop the champagne and party in the Tenderloin. All we need is a Jaguar.
*KGO Radio: the radio version of an Amazon Warehouse in Tonopah.
*I fibbed, more KRON: had the schmucks hired Tom Sinkovitz back to co-anchor the 5 or 6PM news with Pam Moore, they would have garnered INSTANT credibility, not to mention a QUALITY newscast, hell, I would have watched.
*Cheryl Hurd, damn you get better looking as you age, the black Vicki Liviakis.
*Lisa Argen is class, grace, elegant and the most accurate weather forecaster in the market. Now PAY HER, KGO. She's no Leyla Gulen.
*Jesse Gary is back at KTVU (Fox2) --what, was Kraig Debro unavailable? Oh, wait a minute, I forget, sorry.
*The FOXification Indoctrination at Channel 2 is so intense I hear Fox Execs have considered hiring Tom Cruise to come in and interview potential hires...yeah, just so Scientologyie --the only problem: by doing that, KTVU suits are worried Gasia Mikaelian would take a selphie with Tom.
*THIS JUST IN: Mike Mibach is so great, so cool and calm under pressure. How do I know? Mike told me.
*Mark Ibanez and Heather Holmes? Just sayin... (Psst, might be better, guys, to have more intimate soirees at a far, far away place, try the Brisbane Howard Johnson's bar.
*Scott Reiss and Cristina Rendon: a perfect news -anchor combo that is so good, KTVU will somehow fuck it up.
*KTVU Internal Memo to KRON: "We have MORE WEATHER reports than YOU DO!"
*"We interrupt this program to bring you the inaugural Larry Beil-Frank Somerville Hair Plug Showdown!"
*BREAKING NEWS: Somerville working on a new Facebook posting: "I'm against cancer." 4000 responses: "Frank, we love you!"
*Darya Folsom is so phony she was refused admittance to a Union City Arby's.
*Big week for Ronnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Owens: he and Copie are having dual manicure/pedicures.
*Hey, "ASS" man? Enough already. It was funny but you began to abuse your membership. Try a little brevity.
*I've invited Stan back into the living room because Stan makes me laugh and nervous too, always a winning combo.
*OK, time for lamb shanks at Tommy's Joynt, really the most important thing in life. Hold on.
*Bewildering news at KQED: they just hired another manager: winning formula: new manager admits to watching "Check Please."
*KQED managers budget: roughly the dollar amount of a Saudi Arabian Sultan's 10 mansions in Beverly Hills.
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