Having An Affair Like I Did, That's What You All Need

  THE PROBLEM with this market; in addition to almost everything else is that we need a lot more affairs and I'm not talking calendar affairs --I'm talking extra-marital affairs, non-marital affairs--good, old-fashioned sleeping with the boss. We don't have a lot of that in Bay Area media circles.

This is not a matter of gossip. I get a lot of e-mails telling me who's banging you and who's blowing you and quite frankly, it's boring. It's the same old tired people and toy soldiers and even if all of it is true, (and most of it is), none of it is helpful to the parties participating and in fact, quite non-essential to the product on the air. If you like to bang, bangers, make sure bangee is worth it. Nothing worse than an office affair that could be had without all the unnecessary drama. A full-fledged affair is a risk mind you but fellas and ladies, if you're darting down that path, at least dart away with someone worth the risk.

Used to be a helluva town for all that risky business. The Balboa Cafe on a Tuesday Night. Whoa! A couldn't-miss phenomena. In the early 90's a promiscuous Mecca --still is but not like the old days. No cougar business mind you like the reputation --just a whole lot of spectacular ladies and gentlemen in their latter years looking for the golden parachute if you know what I mean...

I was working for K-101 one day --after office hours I headed down to the Bermuda Triangle and had some martinis on the itinerary --I wasn't married, mind you, but many married women in their 30's and 40's were very attracted to me...I was blunt, always nicely dressed and coiffed --heterosexual too, (I heard they were making a comeback.) So anyway, I was out on the town and meant business--no time for small talk and cheesy goldfish. Get outta my way and don't bother me with minutiae, I'm not interested. Let's get down to business.

I met a nice-looking broad one night named Sheila Cornicopia --Sheila had a mean streak about her--a real wild woman. She was a grad student by day and worked at the Van Ness Holiday Inn at night. She was probably about 40 but didn't look a day over 25. I could tell she was coming on to me because she gave me that all-out assault look. Like blood on a shark. She had a boyfriend but he was always busy playing cards with the boys at the Concordia club. Plus he was much younger. Sheila liked 'em old and frisky --sort of like her cat, Ophelia --the only thing wrong with our flame--the cat drove me nuts but I relented and put up with her--what was I to do? Sheila, believe me, was worth the pussycat --I know. You should have seen her. Whoa!

Sheila had a strong element about her. I never asked her directly what she wanted --I mean, short-term, of course, she wanted me--could you blame her? But I was persistent and wasn't going to play her game one-dimensionally --she had a lot of questions; much too much so, but I finally backed off and gave her a dream without fighting back. The mojo was quite enthralling and terrific from my standpoint even though I knew it was temporary and about to end someday soon.

Sheila was 100 percent certain I was hitched--married. I was not. In fact, I was seeing a woman, Edith Feingold, a saleswoman working at Macys. She wanted to get married--I wasn't ready, but that's a long, long story. Nevertheless, Edith drove me nuts and was the major impetus behind my affair with Sheila. I was beginning to get nervous and suffered major anxieties. Such is the life of a young radio star in the city but I felt cheated, mean, frustrated and out of place, out of mind. I don't deserve this. Neither do they, mind you. But it wasn't me who asked for this!

TO BE CONTINUED

*Follow me on Twitter