2014 Thanksgiving Bay Area Media Turkey Awards --ready to commence the holiday spirit you've come here to appreciate.
*Ronn Owens: the gift that always keeps on giving. Mr. Softie, how's that great new format you predicted three years ago been? Maybe your gadgets need to be re-stocked.
*Jon Bristow and Jennifer Jones-Lee: Mr. Pipes and Ms. Giggler "It's Friiiiday!" The gruesome twosome. About as wholesome and sincere as a Lodi Walmart.
*Chef Ryan Scott: If you were more phony, giddy, impish and foolish-sounding, I'd put you on the weekend schedule at KGO. Wait a minute...
*Gary Radnich: One of the most pompous, hideous, predictable, moronic, out-of-touch moron in Bay Area media. Take your used Bentley and shove it up where the sun don't shine. I've been wise to you for years while your sheep stay quiet. I'm not afraid of calling you out. By the way, Liebengood was right.
*Larry Krueger: Larry, I like you personally and know you're just trying to earn a living and have to work with the non-sports potato head, but when you're trying on the air to be someone other than you, it sounds contrived and forced. Be yourself, Larry. You're better than that. Bet on it. (He will).
*Kate Scott: I'll give you this, you pulled a good story over Lee Hammer --congratulations, you make Amy G look like Christianne Amanpour. And I don't give a shit about your wife, really. In seven years you'll be schlepping oranges at the Daly City Flea Market.
*Brian Sussman: What the hell happened to you? It's not your politics. We get that. It's the show, Brian. It sounds worse than shit on toast. And the corny sound gimmicks, the fake fart noises, the bizarre rock music under your fake stupid takes? The dumb train sounders every two minutes? And you really think the traffic chick has young demos listening? Do this: keep repeating Drudge Report items that make up 99% of your show and consider that impending pay cut coming as a signal.
KNBR Morning Show: Dude, Brian, Dude, Powlie, dude, you guys are completely worthless; you've always been worthless. You guys are like a rotting fish that keeps floating up on the seashore and won't go away. Cockroaches don't go away either. They end up at UCLA and write fake books about fake people and fake people can't even stand 'em. Murph, remember that night at Crogans when you were incredulous that I hated your show? I still hate your show. Go take your fake New Jersey friend and the chain-smoking, southern redneck Irishman to an English Beat concert and disappear. You'd do us all a favor.
*Jason Barrett: Hey, genius, have you changed your morning show yet? It's about time. I have an idea: Do one of those contests; get some asshole from Brentwood and put him on the air, that way you save money and get a 1 rating out of sheer luck. Thank God you have Damon. And another thing, you hired Troy Clardy? LMFAO! And now you fired him. Damn, what cohesion. Again, you MUST have pictures of animals and Entercom suits.
*John Lund: Hope you're renting. And is it true the only reason you made it on YSTL was because Papa made some calls? Uh, I should have known. Keep up the classy jokes too. You're a regular Jon Stewart.
*Joe Fonzi: Fonz, the last time you were something Jimmy Carter was president and Radnich was married to a white woman.
*Aaron Pero: Just shut up and quit screaming. Pick on someone your own size. Wait a minute...
*Doug Harville: Doug, I thought you were sincere. We don't always have to agree, just don't fly away because I thought your company screwed Dean Danos and that Bunger is a phony. It's nothing personal.
*Veronica De La Cruz: Dear, I'm sorry about your personal shit. I'm sensitive to all of that because I've been there/done that. But if you're going to reach out to me on arrival and confide then don't start running away into the forest because Rosenheim pulled you aside. It's not good business. It leads to eventually anchoring a shitty late-night newscast that has less shelf life than a Utah bordello. GAME ON!
*Rich Walcoff: 30+ years on radio and you need an extra 50 bucks to do some forcacta 'man cave report on KSFO? Rich, you're bigger than that. I know you have college tuition to pay for but really? I'll sell my Sweetjack coupons and give you the fifty bucks, stop Richie, stop!
*Jan Wahl: Shit, you're so bad you deserve to go back to KGO and this time you don't even have to hoover the PD 165,000 times. One hat.
*Tom Vacar: where's my cigar? Better yet, the next time you do Ronnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn's KGO show, tell Ronnnnnnnnnnn that the North Beach Restaurant lunch with Gene Burns was legit. I was there and heard everything.
*Dennis O'Donnell: Google Alexander O' Neil's song from 1987. You fit the title.
*Ann Killion: Ann, you're a conniving, insincere, phony, would-be-career-killing, sanctimonious twit; I'm wise to your ass, lady, you don't fool me. Nor the other people in this town. Now go tweet that.
*Wayne Freedman: Wayne, chill. Really. You have 17,400 Emmys and plenty of job stability. Quit kissing so much management ass. Get out there. Go to the wharf and have some crab. Get a scotch and relax, you're safe, Wayne. Don't be such a lecturing prick otherwise you'll end up being like David Louie doing a live shot from Redwood City.
*Heather Holmes: You still have the snot tape? Keep it.
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