With the exception of Giants, 49ers, and Warriors broadcasts, the venerable station will program commercial spots, 24/7 and only interrupt commercial with one to-two-minute bits from its various hosts as to now ruin the all-commercial format. When you have the momentum of listening to entertaining commercials, according to the station's salespeople, why ruin it with oblique thoughts from innocuous talk guys.
This format, says an Insider, would be truly revolutionary. Imagine sitting in the car and being able to listen to all! 1-800-Kars-For-Kids jingles? Damn, for free too! And you won't just get the standard version but the country, pop-singing, and free-for-all too! Then wait, before you know it, endless Chilton Auto Body, Murph's Fremont BMW, Tolbert's awesome Comcast, SweetJack, hey, we're having a party now, it's orgasmic!
A 24/7 all-commercial, all-the-time format would provide for innovative programming; I'm told even Lee Hammer, the Opps Mgr at KNBR, is mulling it with a host of Cumulus high tops who have come from Atlanta to go over the possibly impending format change.
Waldus McFuckface, a Cumulus Senior Accounts Manager from Green Bay, Wisconsin, currently residing in the Fisherman's Wharf Holiday Inn expressed confidence that the new format could be instituted soon. "Look what we did to KGO, dude, you know what we could do to KNBR--I mean, this could develop into a 'mechanism for San Francisco and the Bay Area."
Indeed, KNBR's all-commercial format could become iconic. It would generate more cash for the station and provide more stability in programming, which currently is bogged down by air talent talking on aimlessly about sports teams and having kids to become full in life. Who wants that, who needs that, for the 99th time, who cares? Nobody cares.
The all-commercial format will include all your favorite spots, but will take breaks for traffic reports and five-second sports updates by Kate T. Scott, who reportedly insisted to management she be included in any such real content aside from the commercials. Ms. Scott sat in on a secret meeting last week with Hammer, Peacon Patrick Connor and Bart Butwick, better known as the Giants mascot, Lou Seal. All came away positive about the impending change. Said the Peacon: "Dude, I AM FIRED UP about this, WAR EAGLE!"
The all-commercial switch would have to get FCC approval but is considered all but done. Other talk show hosts at KNBR were unable to comment, but "Powlie Mac", the half part of "Murph and Mac" offered a musical reaction via Skype: "I Can't Go For That", howled Paulie, who hails from East Bedford, New Jersey and smokes some rockin' tunes.
Gary Rabainiwitch, the station's 9-Noon, co-host also was unable to comment as he was attending a family research seminar in the Tenderloin.
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I wouldn't mind. I don't listen to them anyway except for the games. All their hosts are clowns anyway
ReplyDeleteI would really enjoy hearing all the different "Kars for Kids" jingles run together. Now that is entertainment! "Hellllooooooo Human Kindness!" in my best Lloyd Lindsay Young voice!
ReplyDeleteVery funny Rich. And it's true that KNBR plays more commercials than any other station around. How they get away with it and still get decent ratings is a real head scratcher. "I-877 KARS FOR KIDS!!!" Oh, If I hear that jingle one more time, I think I may just drive off the road! On second thought, how about Pecon and Kate Scott singing that infamous jingle together in a duet!? At least that would provice some entertaining relief? Or perhapsHammer could join in with his tonsils and make it a trio!
ReplyDeleteI hope this doesn't mean more Fretlight guitar ads with Paulie Mac, but I'm sure it does.
ReplyDeleteI thought they were already all-commercials . . .
ReplyDeleteThis was intended to be funny but it is not because it is true.
ReplyDeleteDoes Jones-Lee know how idiotic and insincere her Fiat commercials are? How many times does she mention her "luxury car"? I wonder if she'll sell purses after she gets booted from KGO?
ReplyDeleteClassic. KNBR is the most self-serving radio station on the planet. Sadly, it's not so far from the truth. And anyway, it would be an improvement.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see what the interns put up to contradict all of this.
Funny stuff, so close to the truth; the 6-7 AM hour might be the worst time of day; haven't timed it but would be surprised if there were even 10 minutes of content.
ReplyDeleteRod Brooks trying to read an ad, attempting to sound sincere, over accentuating.
ReplyDeleteFrom the 'How not to' class of the Columbia School of Broadcasting.
About the worse thing on radio.
"THE NUMBER ONE SPORTS STATION IN AMERICA!!!1"
ReplyDeleteWhat B.S.
At least they would be NUMBER ONE COMMERCIAL STATION in America!!!
DeleteI think Tolbert's afternoon time is more glutted with ads than any other time - it makes sense but it's pretty unbearable sometimes.
ReplyDeleteIt makes sense because mr t is unable to fill any segment without endless word drool and obvious stat reading
DeleteDoes KNBR sell a ton of ad time? Sure. And would every other station sell that much ad time if the demand was there? Absolutely. And every other station would give their left nut for the sales KNBR has right now.
ReplyDeleteNice satire, Rich. Kars-For-Kids gets an immediate "power off" anytime it comes on my radio. Tolbert's ads for McDonald's and Barbieri's for Amici's were equally unbearable. At least we don't have to listen to the latter anymore.
ReplyDeleteNever saw Kreuger picture before but it looks like both he and Fatnich can become contestants in the Biggest Loser show,
ReplyDeleteThe camera adds 10 pounds
DeleteHe looks 50 pounds overweight
DeleteCars for Kids absolutely the worst annoying commercial of all time.
ReplyDeleteAfter paying for all the ads wonder how much gets to the kids? Whatever happened to the Junior Giants spots with Vida and then Kuip? Seems more natural for KNBR to promote than one???
DeleteGreat topic. But how are we going to get our betting advise? I need to know how to bet that Arkansas game or whatever.. The worst one for me is the screaming lady for True Car.. It runs several times per hour on 910. Like CG at 12:43, I immediately power off when it comes on. I don't want to be yelled at ever and especially at 6:15am.. If Tolbert does spots as real Tolbert they can be funny. Funny is good.
ReplyDeleteUsed to be a station could run only 18 minutes of spots per hour. Guess now that changed. Most stations don't overclutter with spots. Why? It's a turn off. Most stations run high priced 8 to 10 minute per hour spot loads.
ReplyDeleteCumulus, not so. They charge half rates to get spot losses on KGO, KFOG, KSAN, 1050 KNBR and 680 KNBR and KSFO generating spots on the other stations. So, as "The Sports Leader" - since their premium rates are sports play by play, the even give bonus spots at no cost to keep the spot load high, and the premium play by play high as well. That means little room for other programming.
That simple.
Wait till Christmas season gets rolling. They will HAVE to charge more to capitalize on revenue during the fourth quarter of the year (the most important,) but still have to run the half price or "bonus" spots, too. Why? They'll lose money huge if they don't.
Then, after Jan 1, that's when the do the 2 for 1, 3 for 1, or more spots -- to keep the agencies happy in the first quarter, hoping for those mega rate million dollar annual deals.
Guess what? Ain't gonna happen, as long as the rest of the Cumulus cluster is dying. That simple. Now, deny it, KNBR. Been there, done that.
The Dickey's have your asses on fire because of your financial mismanagement in sales and the expense cuts are paying the investment banks. Same problem in Chicago at WLS-am/fm, WABC/WPLJ New York, WMAL Washington, WPRO am/fm Providence, WBAP Dallas, KMJ am/fm Fresno, WJR Detroit and elsewhere, including at WYAY fm Atlanta, Nash FM New York and San Jose and elsewhere.
It's going to be a tough year - and KNBR is bearing the brunt of the pillage, loss and the downfall of Cumulus Media.
Stock price is hovering, now, at $3 a share. This is the disaster that befell Citadel and Farid Suleman after ABC/Disney.
I'm betting the ranch on this, but there are not enough assets with a capitalization now at $700 million on what was a $2.3 billion borrowing spree three years ago. It's Clear Channel all over again, this time with Cumulus. The debts far outweigh the assets.
The Dickeys know it, investor banks know it, CNN and their new $12 million cheaper per year news network knows it, Radiant Media knows it and so do so many money people know it.
Simple as slime.
They need to hire Larry Wilson from his own chain at Alpha to do what he did for Citadel when he started that group before getting out when the getting was good as Suleman became accountant in charge and took over.
How's the new Operations Director seach working out for KGO and KSFO? Next you know, Christine Craft will take over the job. Attention: Ms. Bakos, Randall Bloomquist, Jan Jeffries, Mike McVay and Mr. Executive VP of Programming, Mr. John Dickey.
What frauds.
Rating period is now on for the Bay Area Nielsen's.
Watch the bean counters, management, upper level management and talent scramble like mice over this. Thankfully, I knew when and how to get out early and fast.
I'll make money on the deal. Others -- not so lucky. Radio stocks took a bloodbath on the market(s) one week ago. Watch what happens next in January, 2015.
He's spot on. See for yourself:
Deletehttp://finance.yahoo.com
/echarts;_ylt=A0SO8xjCpkhU43AAyk9XNyoA?s=CMLS+Interactive#{%22scale%22%3A%22linear%22}
As long as there are brain-dead Giant fans soaking it all up, KNBR will be able to pretty much do whatever it wants. Thanks for taking my call Marty, I have nine quick points...
ReplyDeleteTV is already doing this. AXS TV has a show called Nothing But Trailers, which is nothing but trailers for movies.
ReplyDeleteMany Facebook newsfeeds are also approaching all advertisements as well.
Interesting and very informative insight from 3:38PM. You should consider starting a media and/or investment blog.
ReplyDeleteThank you, 7:50. Much appreciated. Been in this game on both sides for a long time. Cumulus is in deep deep trouble. If Disney can't even give away it's AM stations in a sale -- 23 of them because the price is too high -- where's that leave KSFO and 5000 watts with no numbers and less sales revenue to o? Cumulus will have to take a bath on it's original worth. Worth maybe $10-15 million, maybe Blookberg should have bought it btut iHearth Media jumped on the best price for it as a partner like they did in Boston first after Bloomie bought WNEW am and turned it into WBBR. I bet the deal for KSFO was just too many multiples to make sense. Bloomberg is not a dummy. Thanks again.
DeleteThe Knibber is headed for the KRPR
ReplyDeleteRich please no more photos of Jabba the Racist!! PLEASE!!
ReplyDelete