Tuesday, December 24, 2013

20 Things I'm Doing For Christmas; Caution: Possibly Disturbing Material; Parental Guidance Suggested; Happy Holidays Everyone

 1. Uh, hit the usual spots and pay my tab before the authorities are called.
2. Look for women who won't testify.
3. Repeat 17 times that Bailey wasn't female Walter Mitty.
4. Stay clear of San Jose Walmart.
5. Aim for a different Chinese restaurant and utilize the Woody Allen theory: If you look inside a Chinese restaurant and see more White people than Asian, it's probably got lousy food.
6. Go see the new Scorsese Wall Street movie that's being ripped for all the Caligula sex and drugs. I can deal with that.
7. Make secretive phone call to Darya Folsom and yodel "Jingle Bells."
8. Make secretive phone call to Aaron Pero and begin screaming and yelling for no apparent reason.
9. Sneak into KTVU and search for nude pictures of Claudine Wong and Special Ed.
10. Consider a face lift financed by the thousands of you who sent in a couple of bucks to make sure 415 Media is afloat.
11. Send anonymous e-mail to Tori Campbell: "You're kidding me, right?"
12. Uh, dress up as PIX cameraman and venture over to the popular Walnut Creek fountain; interrupt live shot and yell out: "Hey, where's all the white women at!!?"
13. Place an AndroidZX40 under Ronn Owen's Lexus and observe minor-woody moment.
14. Call into Chef Ryan Scott's KGO show and ask him what he thinks of licorice pizza. "Dude!"
15. Warn Mike Nicco if he continues to pronounce "metey-OR-rologist" as "meter-rologist" he has to give foot massage to Wayne Freedman's cat.
16. Whip out first goyim present: very own inflatable Tenderloin hooker.
17. Take Michael Bauer to Red's Java House and keep repeating: "The beef combine between the bun is so consistent...the beef combine between the bun is so consistent...the beef combine between the bun is so consistent...
18. Quick delivery over to Larry Baer's house with inscribed T-Shirt: "Have you hugged your intern today?"
19. You wanted that nude breakdance with me and Oakland Mayor, Jean Quan? You got it.
20. Meet Damon Bruce and his date, Ann Killion for karaoke at Grumpy's: Ann sings Helen Reddy's "I am woman!"
*Follow me on Twitter


  1. Love it, Rich. Merry Christmas eve!

  2. You're describing Festivus not Christmas you moron.

    I have a long list of grievances with your conduct and behavior and your performance has been piss poor. Same goes for Christine, Stan, Fair and Balanced, and all the brown nosing liberals.Prepare yourself for the wrestling match...prepare to lose, it's gonna be a dog pile.

    1. What?
      Frank Costanza what the heck are you trying to say?
      "and all the brown nosing liberals. Prepare yourself for the wrestling match...prepare to lose, it's gonna be a dog pile".

      Are you predicting something along these lines?

      "Here comes the Romney Landslide"

  3. #12 - Blazing Saddles reference...

  4. Happy Holidays. You do most of these every day. Add drop off Xmas Present For KTVU: Chinese-English Dictionary.

  5. Who wants to make a bet that if Karel is still on radio in some form by this time next year (& I sure hope he isn't), that in a desperate bid for ratings, he'll conduct a "mystery interview" with a certain former KGO talk-show host that gets out of jail on 12-21-14.

  6. John Rothman filled in for Gil on the 23, and Ed Baxter for Frosty, what an up side down world, the fill in hosts are so much better than the regular hosts. Even right before Christmas, with everybody rushing around, John still got calls, I can't believe we will be force fed, 4 hours of Armstrong and Getty and 4 hours of Gil come January, I like Armstrong and Getty at times, and better than Gil, still 8 hours of 2 shows does not show much creativity. Very frustrating.