HEADLINES? WE GOT YOUR HEADLINES!
"BYRNES TRIES TO ACT BLACK!" (Psst, but damn, he fails!)
*Eric Byrnes, trying desperately to act Black, infuses more rap music into commercial bumpers even though "Byrnesie" was born in Half Moon Bay and thinks 'Lil Wayne' is one of the Jonas Brothers.
Yo, Eric, you have about as much rhythm as Charlie Pride. (Memo Dept: Don't try to be something you're not, please).
Gary Radnich and his radio son, Larry Krueger, sensing true brown, toilet paper togetherness try 24-hour, on-air bonding. Krueger, perhaps knowing full well that airing his true conscious, might cost him the $$ it takes to feed his family, begins chanting, "For the 900th time, I..." (Wait, that's the other guys line, Mr Mail-it-in." Krueger begins his latest audition on the new Fox sitcom, "Father Knows Best." I hear it's a 20-1 shot you get the part, Krugs.
"KAREL WEEPS, ON-AIR, ABOUT THE NBA LOCKOUT!"
Karel, KGO's resident weekend town crier, goes positively berserk over the NBA lockout. "I can't pay my mortgage without seeing the Clippers--what am I going to do?! Uh, there's that alleged talk show you run on Sat. and Sunday night. Never thought I'd root for Joe the Plumber.
"BRIAN SUSSMAN GETS JIGGY WITH NANCY PELOSI"
Oh, what the hell, why not!
"DAN ASHLEY SIGNS $10M DEAL AS SUPERCUTS SPOKESMAN"
It makes sense since the Ashter routinely changes the doo every ten days. And no teleprompters needed!