KGO and KCBS, in an earnest attempt to deliver all traffic, all the time, 24/7, have decided to shelve news, sports, weather and in fact, all human beings.
"Our focus is to provide traffic reports every second, every hour, every day, ever week and year, "stated KGO GM, "Big Rig Bumperman.--after all, nobody listens to the radio anymore except for truckers and my aunt Irma Fender-Bender.
KCBS head honcho, Nanno Nimitz, concurred. "We deliver over 47,000 traffic reports every day. We just reasonably felt the best option was to can the news and go strictly to traffic. We care about our listeners--more now serious he was about the impending lifetime traffic format, Nimitz confirmed KCBS is planning on moving their studios to the 880 freeway overpass in Newark.
KGO has petitioned the FCC to see if they can use the tag line: "Traffic on the 1's, 2's, 3's, 4's, 5's, 6's, 7's and 8's and 9's--When you die, we'll be the FIRST to let you know about that last big rig spinout on Doyle drive!" Is that cool or what?
Asked how his station might report on traffic news even when its midnight near the Bay Bridge toll plaza on a rainy Tuesday, KGO's assistant traffic czar, Ima Bumpersnicker, said bluntly: "Look, we're all in this together. Traffic is our lives. It's our business. Its the way of the world, really, so we figure even if there's little car action, we still want to be there. After all, we owe it to the listeners."
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