The No-Spin Zone

The No-Spin Zone

Happy July, and welcome to the No-spin zone. Sit back, relax, and consider the following:
ITEM: South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford now admits to multiple encounters with his Argentinean mistress and even a few dalliances with other women. SPIN: "Shut up, you stupid idiot, and 'zip it!" IN ACTUALITY: The more Sanford talks about his endless escapades, the more ammo for late night comedians and morning radio shows. Good for commerce. Letterman is adamant: "Keep it coming, Governor!"

ITEM: The Rev. Al Sharpton led a throng of thousands of mourners inside the famed Apollo Theatre in Harlem for a tribute to the late Michael Jackson. Sharpton even shed his clergy position and momentarily did a 'grind on the dance floor with a female mourner. SPIN: "Yo, Rev. Al, a. why are you here?" b. "Why are you always showing up for every conceivable publicity event?" c. "You're nothing but a shameless self-promotor." IN ACTUALITY: Sharpton IS everywhere. What, you thought he was merely a preacher? The man has bills to pay. A ton of overhead. And he's a buddy of Geraldo. What's not to like?

ITEM: Gov. Schwarzenegger rebuked the Democratic-controlled state legislature's latest budget proposal, thereby making the prospect of IOU's likely in California. SPIN: The Guv is a total schmuck, as are the entire politicians in Sacramento who can't seem to govern a state that's about to go broke. IN ACTUALITY: So, what else is new? Surprised? Oh please! Doesn't this budget mess always happen this time of the year in Sacramento? Silver lining: hotels packed in the capitol as reporters en masse migrate to Sactown. Good for the local economy. Budget? 'smudget!

ITEM: Al Franken finally becomes junior Senator of Minnesota after close election. Republican Norm Coleman concedes. SPIN: "Stuart Smalley" comedian, late of 'Saturday Night Live' gives Democrats filibuster-proof 60 members. IN ACTUALITY: Fox Noise Billo Riley is positively sick and can't stomach the fact that the man he detests more than the ex-female producer who he settled a sexual harassment suit with, is about to become a US Senator. "Do it LIVE!"

ITEM: Hundreds of thousands of fans are expected to descend to Neverland this Friday for a public memorial for the late Michael Jackson. SPIN: Neverland; located high in the mountains above Santa Barbara, is a very remote and treacherous site to get to, and with only a narrow, two-lane road to access the actual grounds, authorities are worried about gridlock, fire hazzards, and complete mayhem.IN ACTUALITY: Privately, cable outlets are praying for a scene of chaos, utter calamity, and overall 'Jacko freakniks and freak-show activity at the ranch. Good TV. Summer is slow. Ratings winner. Greta Van Susteren is already at the hotel, prepping. Geraldo is delirious. Joe Jackson smells a cool, net two million alone on the movie rights.

ITEM: ABC's The View wins the ratings week and maintains its fixture as one of daytime TV's most popular programs. SPIN: Chick-oriented talk-show panel, featuring Barbara Waletrs, Joy Behar and Whoppi Goldberg dominates morning show talkie programs. IN ACTUALITY: Yeah, the ratings are great, but how can any normal woman with any degree of civility watch two minutes of this pathetic 'yenta panel without screaming? Makes Ricky Lake look like Charlie Rose

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