Thursday, December 24, 2015

A Long Time Ago In a Galaxy Far Far Away...

 RONN OWENS's ego was the size of the tip of a pin...

*Ross Palombo was selling shoes in Corte Madera

*All of KTVU's news anchors refused to become chit-chatters

*Jan Wahl fought off her last cheap Sleeptrain spot...and a cheeseburger too

*Veronica De La Cruz didn't twirl her hair every 3 minutes

*Allen Martin smiled

*So too Claudine Wong

*Frank Somerville waved off hair plugs

*Gasia Mikaelian found a conscience

*Mike Mibach found humility

*Bill Martin found a forecast

*Natasha Zouves found a un-Julia Child voice

*Reggie Aqui found himself

*Jon Bristow's head wasn't as big as a microphone

*Jennifer Jones-Lee aka JJ could broadcast a story without giggling

*Mel Baker could exist without gossiping to a well-known morning TV personality

*John Lund would refrain from telling penis jokes on the air

*Jason Middleton quit acting like a total asshole not to mention perpetually kissing Ronnnnnnnnnnn Owen's ass.

*Brian Copeland was funny

*Aaron Pero was warm and fuzzy

*Tracey Watkowski was cool and cuddly

*John Lobertini and Nikki Medoro were Steve and Eydie

*Dan Rosenheim didn't tell everyone under the sun he used to work at the Chronicle

*Dave Feldman from Comcast actually got a job with Comcast without having to tell Ted Griggs that he's tight with Jim Harbaugh

*Brian Murphy went an entire show on KNBR without saying, "UCLA", "dude", "yeah, yeah, yeah" and "Kate, what you got?!"

*Vern Glenn did a sportscast without using Gary Radnich mannerisms

*Gary Radnich was allowed to ride through the Tenderloin in his Bentley

*Audrey Cooper could write at least one editorial

*The Examiner could become relevant

*The Chronicle stopped playing kid gloves with Willie Brown

*The Chronicle stopped playing kid gloves with Ed Lee

*Chuck Nevius stopped writing stories about, A. his bike, B. bums around the Montgomery BART station, and C. bums around the Chronicle office

*The guy that likes to write, "ASS!" in Rich Lieberman's media blog took a vacation

*KRON didn't lose a weather woman every week

*KCBS didn't repeat stories 44 times an hour

*Dave Padilla didn't stumble on every other sentence

*KQED Forum Show had a program not having to do with lesbian tendencies, English scholars, Robert Redford documentaries, Philip Roth mentions, and the history of tofu

*Grumpy's modified their tuna melt

*Tommy's Joynt made lamb shanks available every day

*Tadich's waiters at the counter stopped acting like their farts don't stink

*Chip Franklin didn't sell everything but his first born

*Ronnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Owens didn't tell us about him buying his wife a used Mercedes Benz over the weekend

*Larry Baer tried to get a statue done for Paulie Mac just for the hell of it

*Kate Scott washed her hands after doing a #2

*KRON moved the cameras back a foot so people could still watch their shitty newscasts

*Darya Folsom could say the word, "doughnuts" and nobody cackled

*Mark Ibanez could do his sportscast with his pants on

*KNBR interns didn't do Warriors' late-night post-game radio shows


  1. * Karel didn't gripe about the feces on his driveway & he didn't whine about how the world owes him everything.

  2. Like State Farm Insurance, I'll always be here...ass...ASS!!!

    1. You're a poor mans Mark Fainaru-Wada compared to me Jonah!

  3. and news departments actually covered stories that were important, interesting and not because they had great video of flames from a Anno fire

  4. Larry Biel didn't shout WITH AUTHORITY on every sports segment.

    Why why you just block the ASS guy, he is the only one who thinks he is funny.

    1. I think he's funny & get a kick out of reading his posts.

    2. I like his posts, too.

      East Bay JAPs for Trump 2016!

  5. Aaron Pero has always been Prick No. 1, even when he was a lowly noon producer back in the Bob Coleman era.

  6. I wish Richie would tell the Radni ch Tenderloin story.

    1. Here here. Been waiting on that for a few years. Also been wondering what the bra size was on the resume.

  7. I heard Ronn Owens tale of buying his wife a mercedes benz as well.
    OK Ronn we're impressed!
    BTW how is that contract negotiation coming along?

  8. I still say we need a doc "Fahrenheit: 415"

  9. Hey, you forget to mention that the Bentley is used! Feeling okay?