Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Some Pretty Stupid, Dumb, Lazy, Disgusting Things and Acts That Should Be Flushed Down the Toilet in the TV News Dept.

**"Breaking News"--thanks to just about everybody and everyone, this once-mighty news vanguard has been devalued, marginalized and put out to pasture. The fact is, there really is no breaking news. Real breaking news involves tragedy, for the most part; an airplane crash, a natural disaster, a truly big moment, not new developments nor an update on the news already reported. It's too bad too because now when truly real, live and authentic breaking news occurs, we're all sort of skeptical. We should be.

**"Team Coverage"--this uber-annoying, lazy, and over-used local TV/radio banner is just plain formulaic and disingenuous. How about this: "We have 'comprehensive' coverage of the latest developments at the hotel fire..." Team Coverage is so banal, so useless, just a notch below breaking news, but still tried-and-trued annoying.

**Anchor tells reporter and just about anyone else, "Thanks Joe": Huh? This too makes me sick. "Thanks?" Thanks for what, for doing your job??!! Hello. How about just going on from there and doing your job! I suppose civilization would end without anchors thanking reporter after their sportscast, weather report--it comes off as lazy and awkward and worse yet, so ubiquitous that it's almost lost in the newscast shuffle. Somebody should STOP and refrain from this "Thanks" method and rearrange the handbook.

**Reporter at scene doing live shot with fake concerned face-look. There's a certain amount of common sense here. If there's been a shootout with 5 people dead we don't need your look-of-dread--we already know you're concerned and that's fine but how about the idea of just keeping it straight? Sure, human emotion is real, valid and legitimate...as long as it looks genuine. Unfortunately, in this day of artificial, tweeterized news, too often the distraught face from reporter A is just plain fake and phony. Sorry, just being honest.

**"At the end of the Day": I've gone here before. Hasn't everybody lately? Yet, this sickening and utterly obscene over-worked, over-utilized and frankly, what the fuck are they saying, 21ist-century cliche continues to gather storm. Its common perpetrators: sports-talk radio hosts, newstalk radio hosts, athletes, politicians, and pundits. I suggest a trip to Gitmo every time this dumb and highly-pretentious verbal carnival act is uttered.

**"Amazing": I think I'll just plain vomit. How amazing.

**Weather Reports: The most useless, baseless and idiotic WASTE of time--TV/Radio News would survive without this charade. First, when there's legitimate and meaningful actual to report, to forecast on, sure, weather is important and should receive its placement in newscasts. But if there's NO weather and no weather front, no rain, no tornado, no hurricane heading our way, why waste 5 minutes? You think in the Bay Area, for example, that we, god forbid, couldn't predict that in the summer time, we generally get fog in the morning, sunshine later and its 102 in the valleys and Sacramento? I just gave you the most comprehensive weather report ever and all I got was this stinking blog. When there's legitimate weather to forecast or predict, get back to me. Other than that, get lost.

**Live Shots at Bars after sports events: This is rather predictable and unseemly --a strong virtue and apparently, according to the consultants, required content for local TV news. The fact is, viewing drunken, screaming, crazy, violent-prone dickheads shouting "WE ARE THE GREATEST!" sweet and sour nothings into the camera does not make for good TV news. It's stupid, repetitious and straight out of the old handbook. Maybe the TV dept. at the shopping mall would be more compelling and better yet, we all could make out what the hell the fans are thinking as opposed to hella-drunk 30 yuppies at the corner bar.

**The use of the word, "Editor" in TV News Intros...as in "Our Consumer Editor", or "Political Editor." Huh? What, Consumer REPORTER, Political Reporter isn't dignified? Does 'Editor' make it sound more important, more legit? Please. Most viewers appreciate honesty and basic, good, old-fashioned reporting. Adding on editor cries out for seeking attention and pretention 1A. I got your editor right here.

**Out of Town newbie reporter who doesn't have the geography down: It's a common fact that every blond 30-something reporter in the TV news business that just arrived from Toledo has no idea where the fuck she's reporting from, partly because she's probably got a banker boyfriend who got her the gig to begin with; that said, in between opening up wide, she sure as hell should know just a little about the city she's working in, don't you think?

**Anchors that do live shots in the field: Up until recently, this simple act was required work and showed the true talents and workmanship of TV News journalists. End of story. Now it's a tactic used by the station to make it look as if the anchor has depth and mass body-of-work pedigree--sorry, this is just another gimmick and gamesmanship. You know it, I know it, most of all, the viewers know it. Try another device and tell the consultant to stuff it.

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NOTE: 415 MEDIA Welcomes JOE HAMER SALON AS NEW ADVERTISER!!

55 comments:

  1. I am literally laughing out loud because it's so true, and also to keep from crying.

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  2. And the one that drives me absolutely insane are news anchors and reporters who refer to their program as a SHOW ("...and we'll have that story later in THE SHOW".) Unless they also do singing, dancing, magic acts, etc., it's not a SHOW. It's a newscast!

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    1. Ronn (with 2 "n") Owens once made of point of calling his program "a show".
      Hey I guess we are suppose to consider you some Broadway talent?
      All we need is Ethel Merman to come out singing "Everything's Coming Up Roses"

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    2. Are you by chance my old high school history teacher who would strenuously make the point that the class was about to watch a FILM, not a MOVIE?

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  3. In NYC the substitute anchor (in Victoria Secret push-up bra) on WABC, Channel 7 referred to the late Eydie Gorme as "Eddie Gome".
    And nobody corrected her when she repeated it!

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  4. all valid, except why is it a problem for anchors to thank the field correspondents at the end of their reports? what are they supposed to say instead of "thanks"? "alright, fuck you Tricia"? "goodbye Dan"? "nice shirt Bob"? i mean... they need some kind of transition, why not "thank you"?

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    1. Oh so true. "Thanks Bob" also takes up much less time than its close cousin, "..Bob Somebody, reporting live from someplace.." It's the lesser of many evils.

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  5. One that gets me is people injured are "taken to a local hospital." You mean it wouldn't make more sense to take an injured person to a hospital in Nebraska?

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  6. Anchors who use the following stock phrases: "We are learning more tonight about the suspect..." "Police are asking for YOUR help in finding..." "We begin tonight with breaking news..." "We want to go now to Kristin..." You want to go? Then do it, jackass, you don't need our permission.

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    1. I love it when they say someone was a "victim of the crossfire" and the shooting went only in one direction. See that one all the time. Those children in Oakland who were killed recently while they were sleeping in their homes? Victims of the "crossfire." Someone needs to look up the definition of crossfire.

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    2. Or here is the worst offender.
      "Sources tell us" all done in hush tones.
      All in the guise of "I am important. I just discovered penicillin!"

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  7. What a laugh riot! One of the best posts ever. Truth hurts.

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  8. Just this morning there was a weather ALERT..........

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  9. Re reporter's fake concerned face-look:

    The queen of "that look" can be found at CBS's 5pm news. A reporter she ain't, an actress-playing-anchor she is. Moues galore.

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    1. This is one reason I like Catherine Heenan so much. She just reads the news. She doesn't act, doesn't emote, doesn't tell us how we're supposed to feel. Rare these days.

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    2. 12:27pm: sounds like we should hire robots to be news anchors

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    3. "12:27pm: sounds like we should hire robots to be news anchors"

      That would be a marked improvement in some cases.

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  10. You missed a couple. 2 and 7 like to use happening now all over the place. Very annoying especially when 7 uses it on something that happened at like 3 in the morning. Another favorite is "new at (fill in the blank with the time)" This seems to be the latest craze in Bay Area TV news.

    I blame CNN for killing breaking news. They routinely use it on BS that's been going for most of the day. Breaking to me says immediate and a very big deal. Around here a shooting where no one got hurt gets pumped up as breaking news. Gimme a break.

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  11. I DO NOT want BREAKING NEWS in my inbox !

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  12. Loved them all...but you left out the infamous TEASE...we'll have that big story at 16 after!(KGO Radio)..

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  13. I'm still waiting for someone, somewhere, to contact Asiana Airlines and find out, for good and for all, how "Asiana" is pronounced! Seriously, why is this so difficult?

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    1. Thank you!!!

      Some at KTVU pronounce it AUSSIE-ON-UH.

      To me, that sounds like an Australian Airline.

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  14. Rich complaining about the overuse of Breaking News is kinda like Bruce Ismay complaining there weren't enough lifeboats on the Titanic.

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  15. Editor this editor that. Boy we are impressed!

    Editor = proof reader. End of discussion.

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    1. Actually, dummy, editors are proof-readers (among many other things) in print. In television the term has a completely different meaning. What would you proof-read on the air anyway, idiot?

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    2. Pilot names, maybe.

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  16. How about interviewing athletes right after the game.
    Amy G: "Take me through that last at-bat"...

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  17. How about the lazy "developing.." after a story.

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  18. Or the standard "How did it feel to get the game winning hit, record or whatever?" to Josh of someone grinning ear to ear...

    How about "Congratulations on your great day...what do you want to tell us about it?"

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  19. Worst are all the weather folks who give you the forecast first then the temperature, then give the forecast again. Just do it in order please! Current temperature, radar, forecast. Thankewverrymuch!

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  20. Or the latest sports cliche "Talk about" As in "Buster, talk about that home run you hit in the 8th".
    Ask a question! And yes, I'm looking at you Amy G.

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  21. Drive time news show at top of the Hour: "We have (huge, important) story and we'll give you details later in the broadcast."
    Quarter past: "Stay tuned for details about (huge, important) story a little bit later."
    20 minutes past: "Next up-the (huge, important) story"
    28 minutes past: "John/Becky, tell us about the (huge, important) story. Reporter: "Well, Bob, sources say that at 6:30am......"

    And my uber pet peeve: "Sources tell us..." Who? Which sources? What's their track record? Why should we believe them (and by inference-You)? This from every TV/radio station that would have you believe that the demonstration leading the broadcast was some mass outpouring of humanity, when it's 3 unwashed hippies from Berkeley and a homeless guy just passing by.

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    1. "Well, Bob, sources say that at 6:30am......"

      Very good.

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  22. Here are some additional thoughts to consider... re Breaking News.. that consultant should be taken out and beaten with a baseball bat for trivializing the business. Too many middle managers.. I wouldn't be surprised to find out we have an Executive Producer for each commercial break... and finally, I love that we fill the screen with too many type graphics... and speak so fast that the true audience that is left.. those probably over 50 tune out.. what is with this effort to try and get young people to watch when they go to the internet.. remember who is your audience... nuff said.. enjoyed your points...

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  23. And then there are those who don't emote; Scott Pelley, for instance:

    Hi. Allen. And. Liz. It's. So. Great. To. Be. With. You. There. In. The. Bay. Area.

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  24. AMEN to "Anchors that do live shots in the field" as I believe this is an extraordinary diversion of precious resources when the live shot takes place in a disaster zone. My amusement for Dan Rather turned to hatred when he showed up for his live shot at the San Francisco earthquake and he couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear. Wouldn't want tragedy to get in the way of his escape from the studio.

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  25. Equally annoying is wanna-be TV celebrity and self-promoter Donald Trump's incessant use of the word "amazing" when describing any of his endeavors.

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  26. Ban list;
    Live- as if that is pioneering
    Exclusively- no one, and I mean no one, cares
    Sister station- (see #2 above)
    The words, "actually" and "literally"

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  27. I love how the local TV news stations seem to not know that there are actual cities in San Mateo County. The seat of San Mateo County is Redwood City, apparently very confusing for some in the news industry. Too many times I've seen an anchor saying that someone is reporting from "San Mateo" when it is actually Burlingame, Millbrae, Menlo Park, whatever. But it's all "San Mateo" to these idiots.

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    1. I've heard similar mistakes during reports from the North Bay. Sebastopol, Forestville, Petaluma, and Healdsburg are not in "Napa County!"

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  28. This post feels a little like dejavu. I'm sure I've seen it before here on this fine blog. Either way, as a writer for TV news, I can assure you that we HATE writing these things too! I can't tell you how many times I've been forced to write "breaking news happening now today overnight " a kitten was rescued from a drain. It's the consultant's fault. They INSIST it's what the viewers want. Next year they'll be telling us something different.

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    1. Thank you, 9:17! I KNOW it's not the writers' fault.

      I am just watching Channel 5 news and they are "exclusively reporting" that the new Bay Bridge will open in September. Every news outlet has been reporting this all day.

      Despite the reporting, I am VERY VERY VERY nervous about the new bridge. FREAKS ME OUT!!!!

      They may be selling the soap; I am not buying it.

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  29. How about sports anchors/reporters who never ask a question, instead they say to the athlete..."Talk about...."

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  30. Rich Lieberman--Gaining the Upper Hand w/this thread tonight! (another Gawd Awful phrase--typically used during wildfire stories).

    I often wonder: If a fire spirals out of control, then do:
    A) the firefighters now have the LOWER hand?
    or
    B) Does the fire now have the Upper hand??

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  31. Anchors who repeatedly dip their heads to underscore every word are especially irksome. Just read the damn news instead of assuming your audience is too stupid to grasp basic points.

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  32. Allegedly Used way to much. The Victim was allegedly crossing the street when hit by a car.

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  33. "Journalists" who have never written a word in a journal in their life...."correspondents" - ditto.

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  34. You left out my favorite lie - "This Just In . . ."

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  35. Weather reports: Love you, Rich, but obviously you have pale soft hands from staying indoors all day. For those of us who toil outside, WEATHER IS A BIG DEAL!

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  36. SPORTS. I realize how big an interest this is for many of you. However, for me, YAWN! I simply turn the channel or ignore the sports report. It makes NO difference in my life, but if it matters to whoever, whatever floats your boat.

    WEATHER? Well, now, as someone who works outdoors and uses the weekends to recreate OUTDOORS, it matters enormously. When I am working, and the temps are going up a "mere" 10 degrees, it affects my life tremendously.

    And when the Perseid meteor showers occur--NO FOG equals AWESOME!!!

    But hey, go Raiders or whoever is "important" in your life.

    Young Calogero: Bill Mazeroski, I hate him. He made Mickey Mantle cry. The papers said the Mick cried.
    Sonny: Mickey Mantle? That's what you're upset about? Mantle makes $100,000 a year. How much does your father make? If your dad ever can't pay the rent and needs money, go ask Mickey Mantle. See what happens. Mickey Mantle don't care about you. Why care about him?
    Calogero: [narrating] After that, I never felt the same way about the Yankees.
    ("A Bronx Tale")

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  37. Weather people who point to a map of temperatures and read them to me... boring... I can read them for myself. Maybe you could tell me why it is 60 in San Francisco and 90 in Concord. (I am aware of the "low clouds and fog along the coast" summer forecast)

    Also, enough of this breaking news stuff... I was listening to a station the other day and they actually said "we have breaking news out of the LA area; a large hillside has caught fire about 90 miles east of LA." How is that breaking news? They get fires there all the time.

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  38. This rant is kind of funny as I often see Rich use overused clichés.

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  39. Anchors, and bloggers (you are guilty, Rich), that tag GATE after anything gone wrong.

    STOP IT, PEOPLE!!! Watergate was the name of the hotel; nothing more

    Quit tagging GATE to the end of words like KTVU-GATE!

    Not sure why "Thank you" bothers you? But I do see it as a tad bit time-wasting. The one I do HATE is when people call-in talk radio, and waste air time "Thank you for taking my call."

    GRRRR.

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  40. In the UK news anchors are referred to as news readers. I'd like to see us adopt that phrase. What exactly are news anchors anchoring? The term anchor gives them more dignity than they deserve.

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