Today On the Gil Gross Show

 Hour # 1 on the Gil Gross Show


1. Gil talks to expert about "how to meet the very best wife."


2. Gil talks to relationship guru, Ivan Spemtenstien: "Never beat your girlfriend."


3. Gil interviews animal psychologist, Izzy Katzstein who say felines make better lovers than humans.


4. Gil speaks with fashion analyst Biff Pocaroba : "Hillary needs higher heels."


5. Gluten-free nutrionalist, Dr. Isadore Onion talks to Gil about the secret ingredients in mushroom caps.


6. Gil asks wife Rhoda to sing "What a wonderful world"--In Spanish!


7. 4-minute phoner with mayor of Clovis, CA.


8. 4-minute phoner with kid that can play banjo while sitting on the toilet doing #2.


9. Gross asks expert if Caitlyn Jenner really wanted to be a woman, why did he end his "Good Housekeeping" subscription?


10. Gil and Rhoda give their Top 10 hot dog restaurants in the city.

Michael Savage Brings Us His Version Of Show Biz Vanity: A Day In The Life Of A Progressive Hollywood Producer (Audio)

 THOSE OF YOU who have disdain for Michael Savage, the popular syndicated talker (heard here on KSFO --Monday/Friday Noon-3 PM) will probably not like this hysterically-funny 3-minute vignette. If so, you have no sense of humor and probably put sprouts on your sandwich and actually eat tofu.

Those of you that are fairly objective and like to laugh out load every so often will think this is brilliant--It is. Just LISTEN to it and appreciate it. Give it a try, c'mon I know you too well.

And you know what? I don't even necessarily agree with the premise but knowing people in the movie business and how they play it out, Savage's hysterical repertoire with the perfect tiny-bubble music in the background pretty much nails it.

Word.

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KNBR Seriously Thinking About Going All-Commercial Format; Secret Meeting At 55 Hawthorne; The Peacon Is 'Fired Up'

 KNBR, I have a sense, is going to change format: from all-sports to all-commercials.

With the exception of Giants, 49ers, and Warriors broadcasts, the venerable station will program commercial spots, 24/7 and only interrupt commercial with one to-two-minute bits from its various hosts as to now ruin the all-commercial format. When you have the momentum of  listening to entertaining commercials, according to the station's salespeople, why ruin it with oblique thoughts from innocuous talk guys.

This format, says an Insider, would be truly revolutionary. Imagine sitting in the car and being able to listen to all! 1-800-Kars-For-Kids jingles? Damn, for free too! And you won't just get the standard version but the country, pop-singing, and free-for-all too! Then wait, before you know it, endless Chilton Auto Body, Murph's Fremont BMW, Tolbert's awesome Comcast, SweetJack, hey, we're having a party now, it's orgasmic!

A 24/7 all-commercial, all-the-time format would provide for innovative programming; I'm told even Lee Hammer, the Opps Mgr at KNBR, is mulling it with a host of Cumulus high tops who have come from Atlanta to go over the possibly impending format change.

Waldus McFuckface, a Cumulus Senior Accounts Manager from Green Bay, Wisconsin, currently residing in the Fisherman's Wharf Holiday Inn expressed confidence that the new format could be instituted soon. "Look what we did to KGO, dude, you know what we could do to KNBR--I mean, this could develop into a 'mechanism for San Francisco and the Bay Area."

Indeed, KNBR's all-commercial format could become iconic. It would generate more cash for the station and provide more stability in programming, which currently is bogged down by air talent talking on aimlessly about sports teams and having kids to become full in life. Who wants that, who needs that, for the 99th time, who cares? Nobody cares.

The all-commercial format will include all your favorite spots, but will take breaks for traffic reports and five-second sports updates by Kate T. Scott, who reportedly insisted to management she be included in any such real content aside from the commercials. Ms. Scott sat in on a secret meeting last week with Hammer, Peacon Patrick Connor and Bart Butwick, better known as the Giants mascot, Lou Seal. All came away positive about the impending change. Said the Peacon: "Dude, I AM FIRED UP about this, WAR EAGLE!"

The all-commercial switch would have to get FCC approval but is considered all but done. Other talk show hosts at KNBR were unable to comment, but "Powlie Mac", the half part of "Murph and Mac" offered a musical reaction via Skype: "I Can't Go For That", howled Paulie, who hails from East Bedford, New Jersey and smokes some rockin' tunes.

Gary Rabainiwitch, the station's 9-Noon, co-host also was unable to comment as he was attending a family research seminar in the Tenderloin.

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Chronicle Runs Story on Prostitution Web Site Shutdown; Reporter Byline is Vivian Ho

 Herb Caen would have had a field day with this.


The SF Chronicle posted a lengthy, thousand-word or so piece Monday on a website closure affecting lots of prostitute's purses.


It was penned by reporter, Vivian Ho. (Insert joke.)


No disrespect to Ms. Ho, a fine reporter, but clearly, there's a bit of Onionesque in this story.


I know, I'm such a Dick!










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Welcome to the Yonn Glowens Show

GGGGGGGoood morning it's the Yonn Glowens Show and in our first hour, we go to the live line, on the phone direct from Washington, we have Bliss Matthews from MsNBC, Bliss, what's gotten into Barack Obama, I mean, is he reading the polls or not? We'll Yonn, it's a case of what my boss, Tip O'Neil used to tell me, you have to run the show not your advisers and BO got too many Indians and not enough chiefs...Thanks Bliss...We'll be back soon, your calls, after traffic with Goose McNeil....One more item: have you ever dreamed of a cruise? Do you love to eat, fart, and just have a blast? We'll join me on a luxurious Mediterranean cruise...We leave the port of Stockton July 4th, take a flight to Miami and cruise the Med complete with endless nights and days, cocktail parties with me, and all expenses included, to cruise with me, call 555-555-5555 --Blugosi Travel and say you want the Yonn Glowens cruise info and we'll see you on the 4th!...Back to the show: Our tech guy, Jimmy Vega talks gadgets and Jimmy, I gotta tell you, I just got my 9th IPhone10 and it seems great but it's kind of slow--should I be worried: Not really Yonn, you just give it time, let it warm up and boom, it'll delight the heck out of you. It's really a neat gizmo!...Thanks Jimmy, let's do this, we'll take another break and coming up?  Are Lindsay Lohan and Justin Bieber an item? Do you think Putin is overplaying his hand in Ukraine? And we talk about a guy in Buffalo who talks to his dog--what to make of it...IT IS the Yonn Glowens Show and we'll be right back....We are back, a community reminder: on Tuesday, June 9, we're giving away tickets to the Nellie Show and be the 12th caller and you win...OK, back to the show, we go to Sheila in Union City, hi you're on with Yonn: "Hi Yonn, first-time caller, long-time listener, I really can't stand Justin and Lindsay but I do think they'd make a great couple--I mean, she can totally help him out!"...You gotta point Sheila, (cut), but do we really wanna go there, I mean in light of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, I think all Hollywood is just crazy....OK, thanks Sheila...we're going to the news and traffic update with Mintz Meyers in the newsroom and we'll be back to talk about a new study that sez you can lose weight by having sex with the boss--do you believe it? They had a poll and a lot of you said yes!...We're back, before we talk about the study, on the line, Lieutenant Gov. Gavin Newsom, Gav, are you running for Governor or not: Yonn, you always get me going on that one, right now all I can say is that I'm working for the people of this great state and that's the only thing on my mind---never say never though...Thanks Gav for the insight, reminds me of the time my good friend, Evan Goldstein told me with wine, until it's time, let it age and then it'll sizzle...Bart in Cloverdale, you want to talk about cell phones: Hey, Yonn, great show today, I always listen to you on the way to my wife's vet clinic--we just celebrated our 70th wedding anniversary!, (cut), we'll, Bart that is great news and congratulations, folks, we need to take a break, check the news and in ten minutes, we have The Amazing Kreskin live in the studio talking the future, cryonics and his take on the 49ers...Back in a few!

'Naked News' For Those of You That Appreciate TV Anchors That Have Nothing to Hide

 At first I thought it was a joke but then again we live in the Internet world complete with rotten news, good news, quirky and Balloon Boy/Octomom/Duck Dynasty/Missing Airplane news.


But face it: most of the news is miserable. Enter Naked News. OK, so here's the skinny: a group of dedicated TV women anchors, real and legit out of Toronto, provide a daily thorough newscast, in the buff. Like Naked. But unlike typical bimbos these are REAL professional anchors who give you the news run-down--including The World, North America and yes, even live and local, sports and weather to boot.


Yes, it costs something, (there's a free preview on the site), but well worth it unless of course you want to stick to the basics. Being that I'm a critic and owe it to you consumers to get a gauge of the product I viewed a typical Naked News performance and it was pretty damn good. There's no act. It's a straight run-down and completely 100% relevant and extraordinary newscast. Sure, if you don't care for even tasteful nudity while reacting to the latest news on Ukraine and Putin, then maybe stick to the locals and CSPAN5.


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Who's The Biggest Bitch in SF Media? Friday Poll

This is the dictionary definition of bitch: (1) Word used to describe the act of whining excessively.


It's usually associated with women but there exists guys out there who are also bitchy. I mean, serious attitude-central, narcissistic dickheads. Some of these bitches work in Bay Area media. I know a few. Have worked for many. They're all over the place.


I've been called an asshole, many times a bitch too. I know that's shocking to many of you but I took it in stride. It's nice to be acknowledged and loved.


That said, a new Friday poll: Who's the biggest bitch in SF media?


Be responsible when you post and try to limit any specific dirty laundry. I know, life's a bitch.


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Damon Bruce First Guest on 95.7 The Game: Gloria Steinem

 The symmetry.


Women and sports. The highs and lows. Thought-provoking and worthy of a Nooner.


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You Knew This Was Coming

The Temptation of the 415 Media Superstar Blogger; Spurn the TV Gal Pals

Now that this site and I have become a national and local phenomenon, I get covert, repeated, subtle flirtations but I've never succumbed to that type of action. No matter how tempting, how seductive, these various women in the biz here try to gather me and my inner soul into their sanctum, I will be calm, cool, and objective, collected... I will resist them.

The easiest thing to do would be to swallow my pride and delve heart, soul and body into these well-meaning lady-camera gal pals. The fact that, in essence, they're essentially wanting a piece of me is no doubt flattering, but I got a job to do.

On the other hand, too, could you blame 'em?

Time to hit the pavement.

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