Tears for Mom

YOU COME HERE FOR BAY AREA MEDIA, I know. And later today, you will get a media post. I promise.

But being that today is Mother's day, I had to write this. At least try to because as it is, this is a difficult day. I lost my mom three years ago, it doesn't seem that long. I can still remember the moment when I got word of it from my sister.

Tears for my mother.

They told me with time, it would get better. It hasn't. It seems to get worse. Today is especially bad because I can't seem to escape the Mother's day ritual. I won't be going to my sister's house to have brunch. There's no trip to to Jack London Square for a meal. While many of you will take mom out, and I hope you do and have a great day, I will stay around and imagine. It's really painful to experience; I had no idea it would be this difficult, even remotely so, but in actuality, it's dreadful. I'm not supposede to say that, but I'm being honest. I can't really relax because I'm feeling so out of it.

All week I tried to put it out of my mind. I avoived Mother's day ads on radio and TV but I still heard and saw. Too many painful reminders. I miss her so much. I cannot tell you how painful it still is without her; today is a void. It's especialy difficult when you see so many of your friends out with their mom and family while you try to keep it together and ward off all the depression. It hurts. It never goes away, the hopeless feeling, the anguish, the despair. I'm not supposed to air it out, but airing it out is my only chance to numb the pain.

Again, those of you that are lucky enough to have mom around, family, friends, I absolutely wish you a great day. I thank you for allowing me to vent a little. It helps. Just a little bit, but it helps. Mom would tell me in her perfect Brooklynese, to get out and move on. I will try. But I still miss her so much and today is tough.

Happy Mother's day.