The Bay Area's Top 10 Worst TV News Anchors

TOP 10 WORST BAY AREA TV ANCHORS

After much ballyhoo from outside forces (thanks Chuck Barney) over the Top 5 Best Bay Area anchors we doubled down. There's a lot more than five worst anchor so we give you the Top 10. Actually, there's more than ten but 10 is enough for now.

1. Darya Folsom/KRON: Darya, you knew I couldn't resist and yeah, you're not disappointed. Darya, after a gazillion years at KRON wrecking your morning coffee, still craves attention. Because, you know, who else would eat a banana on live TV and resort to planking? Uh, here comes Darya, the giddy, breathless, cheerleader-like attention witch more suited for a high-school glee club than morning news anchor in the Bay Area. Darya needs more attention like I need an extra piece of NY Cheese Cake. 

2. Reggie Aqui/KGO: A shameless, egotistical mutt with all the flair of a Toledo Opera festival. I still don't get why KGO thinks this moronic mutant is popular; he's not. Certainly if he were, the ratings on Circle7's morning show would be better. Instead, we get a daily dose of Reggie's eternal dreckfest. It would be merely embarrassing if it were some small market but Bay Area citizens in the #4 market expect better. Aqui is a mutant ninja fool that causes severe trauma. Quick, stop this schmuck before he performs more damage.

3. Gasia Mikaelian/KTVU: She's not as garish as Folsom but she's making an honest push. The "Gas" is an irritating, egotistical, LOUD!, giggling drama queen with more annoying habits every day designed to pollute the Bay Area airwaves. She's HIT PAYDIRT. Gasia believes she's the star of the show and therefore, her mindset appears to be: "How can I make a fool of myself today?" I believe the hairspray has penetrated The Gas' brain because nobody would commit such downright inanity on a daily basis. Uh, except Mikaelian. 

4. Mike Mibach/KTVU: Gasia's chief enabler on KTVU and part of the god-awful, "The Nine". Mibach apparently got this gig because he's a pretty boy that hails from South SF (which automatically makes him a qualified TV News anchor, sure thing) Mibach apparently believes the more he talks, the better the program. And talk, talk, talk, he does only nobody really knows just what the heck he's saying. That makes a lot of sense.

5. Allen Martin/KPIX: A mean-looking, angry, boorish, putzy jerk who last laughed during the Carter administration. Martin is one of those jerks who thinks his you-know-what doesn't stink and he's some sort of modern-day Cronkite. Sure, Allen, and I'm Beyoncé. 

6. Natasha Zouves/KGO: This annoying diva's best attribute is that she sounds like Julia Child in heat. Was that element that got her the gig or is it her close proximity to Reggie Aqui that makes ordinary people act like complete buffoons? I don't know the answer but I do know this: Zouves' would be better served behind the cosmetics counter at an Anaheim Nordstrom. Her Channel 7 routine leaves a bad case of mental anguish every morning. 

7. Steve Aveson/KRON: This is KRON's way of saying, I guess, "hey, we're not that bad!". Great. If only this nauseating, over-bearing, BORE could pretend that he's not curing cancer on a nightly basis. Aveson comes across as a righteous, holier-than-though butthead with all the news acumen of an Iowa 7-11. He'd be better off as an obituary reader for the Des Moines Public TV access channel. 

8. Brian Hackney/KPIX: The most OBNOXIOUS, arrogant, insipid excuse for a TV anchor. Mr. warmth's science credentials (he's fixated on this) allows him the chance to tell everyone "I'm smarter than you" --great, maybe PIX should get him on Jeopardy and spare the air with this pompous tonsil who exudes more BS than a Dallas Ringling Brothers farewell.

9. Heather Holmes/KTVU: "Anchor?" Seriously? The politically-correct manual would banish me to GITMO for having the gall to call out the vastly overrated, complete puzzlement that IS Heather Holmes. Holmes is to news anchoring is what Kim Kardashian is to speaking at the Harvard Commencement address. First off, Holmes dresses like she's a torch singer about to hit the stage at the Venetian Club. But a TV News anchor? Plus, she stumbles virtually every sentence --I think she's on a mission to challenge Wendy Tokuda. 

10. JR Stone/KRON: Where did they find this guy? And why are we subjected to this robotic, BIG-HEADED monster on a nightly basis? Stone has NO personality; no sense of humor; no sense of news acumen; no sense of ad-libbing too; other than that he's a just a peach of a guy.

OUY VEY !

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