e·clipse
əˈklips
Definition: an obscuring of the light from one celestial body by the passage of another between it and the observer or between it and its source of illumination.
Some Bay Area media folks and companies I'd like to be obscured:
*Stan Bunger/KCBS: your ridiculous "reports" from Oregon are about as inspiring as the night menu at Napa State Hospital. Yeah, Stan, and KCBS, we really need 4000 updates on something most of us could really give a shit about. "Hey, folks, it's pretty dark here!" Uh, thanks Stan for the tremendous insight.
*Brian Copeland/KGO: Dopie Copie, KGO's abysmal crap-off: Not a Genuine Man, whatever color. Copie good news: no one else in the family has a job at the radio station --BIG NEWS! Byron Allen about to do his 57,675th race show, what a bargain!
*Brian Hackney/KPIX: Is anyone more boring on the TV News domain than this oafish, ego-driven buffoon with all the intrigue of a Colma McDonalds? Hack man acts as if his shit doesn't stink and every word he utters is of divine rightness--he and Copeland have all the substance of a Turlock whorehouse.
*Holly Quan/KCBS: A complete and utter LIGHTWEIGHT! Every time I hear this woman I think, this is the best you can do? Gees, I wonder how this nothing got the gig to begin with? Oh, yeah, I know.
*Jon Bristow/KCBS: the rumors are true: this obnoxious tonsil placed a cot in the KCBS lunchroom so he could be on EVERY damn newscast! Bristow: "pipes without a conscience." Makes Bunger seem like Edward R. Murrow.
*Dave Feldman/NBC Sports Bay Area: this pathetic excuse of a sports host is the most BORING, mundane piece of flax seed ever concocted. Did Comcast recruit him from the San Diego 7-11's? Feldman thinks he's just a regular riot; yeah, Feldy, you're about as funny as a Daly City mortuary.
*Mike Anthony: Opps MGR: KGO/KNBR/KSFO: Mike had a dream: "I'm going to FUCK UP every radio station in the Bay Area and make my talk hosts sound like a bunch of idiotic morons!" Hey Mike, the world is ending and you have your boy, Ethan-Bear!Man discussing the history of colconoscopies! Great innovative programming.
*Chip Franklin/KGO: a nauseating, disgusting, uber-absurd jerkoff; human mush; all the serenity of a Shell Station off 880 in the middle of the night and every trucker doing a #2. Franklin is an ongoing embarrassment --and his latest Kissy-Kissy with Copeland is just GROSS! Yeah, you're a "comedian" like I'm a midwife.
*Everyone who works at 95.7 FM 'The Game' You all SUCK. Your radio station sucks, can't even get past a 1.0. Can't hear your terminally SHITTY signal. Your shows have TERRIBLE HOSTS and all the ingenuity of a Gilroy strip mall. New PD? Yeah, that's good for three months.
*Ken Bastida/KPIX: Oh dear lord, what a waste. Bland. Stay in Oregon, Kenny --what would you do without a teleprompter?
*The entire "Morning Show" at KGO-TV: The absolute WORST, most INCOHERENT, AMATEUR posers in the history of Bay Area TV News. A vat full of BORES and Incompetent LOSERS who would be laughed off in Lubbock. The ring leader: Reggie Aqui, a wasted, inane fool with all the serenity of a Dunkin' Doughnut in the Outer Castro: wait a minute!
*The Eclipse: Screw it! I'm sick of it and I don't care to see it. If I wanted to see Darkness in Daylight I'd go to a porno theatre on Markey street and watch the doors open a thousand times for the Noon show.
I couldn't agree with you more on the KGO morning group. What were they thinking grouping a bunch of kids together? They need to bring back Eric Thomas, and team him up with Jessica Castro. She has talent that is just being wasted.
ReplyDeleteDamn you're grumpy this morning. And no shoutout to the morning frat boys on KNBR?
ReplyDeleteI too am tired of all the Eclipse Hoopla. Folks are acting as though they are Charlie Brown about to see The Great Pumpkin.
ReplyDeleteI'm as excited about this as I was about the change of the miliennia. Remember all the drama about what might happen when 1999 became year 2000? Turned out to be a big buncha nothing.
I think most people are glomming onto the eclipse because they need a break from all matters related to all politics for just a little bit.
This is the Dawning of The Age of Aquarius!
ReplyDeleteYoung people (under the age of 40), ask your Uncle Joe or Aunt Tiffany where that line comes from.
I went to an aquarium yesterday. They're neat!
DeleteThat is an accurate description of Hackney.
ReplyDeleteWhew- good thing the sun came back. I was getting ready to sacrifice something to make it return.
ReplyDeleteMaybe an innocent Cheeseburger..
When you're not acting like a douchebag political partisan you're actually a funny guy :)
DeleteRich-Love your blog & especially this post--Absolutely Spot On-
ReplyDeleteKeeled over in Laughter. When Jim Harbaugh was hired as the 49ers Head Coach in 2011 his Palo Alto High School buddy Dave Feldman, per Harbaugh's request, was hired by CSN Bay Area from Washington D.C specifically because of "Feldy's close" relationship with Harbaugh. It has been 3 years now since Harbaugh left the 49ers to coach at University of Michigan. So why is CSN still employing the bland, worthless "Feldy" along with his equally insipid sidekick Ahmed Fareed. Both need to be shown the door at CSN Bay Area. Rich-Keep up the Great Work!
People are zombies. You tell the masses to follow something and they'll do so without question. This eclipse thing was a way for people to make money and get attention. Those charging $1,000 for a hotel room sure love that damn eclipse fo sho.
ReplyDeleteEvery day, Stan Bunghole is proving (not that he needed to) that he's not Al Hart. Even when I'm half awake at 5 am, Holly Quan sounds like she's saying nothing. That's pretty bad when your content has more holes than swiss cheese. Go help your mother run another campaign for mayor of Oakland. Good luck with that.
Good rant, Dick. Keep telling it like it is.
Breaking News: Moon blocks Sun --- Film at 11. I rather watch paint dry.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think of the radio station "The Game" - I think of "95.7 The SHAME!"
Seriously... If Hackney is paid a per diem to cover it... How big a story can it really be?
ReplyDeleteWhat? No Boar-man rant? He's a close second to chippie and first in line to the cope-(I can't)-stand.
ReplyDeleteI was ready for anything, I still have my Y2K food ready to go. Didn't see diddly squat over here by Pinole, overcast, that's why I don't buy lotto tickets! The World sucks! Verify tests suck also!
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how TV and radio media are still able to be on the air with such bullshit they spew out daily
ReplyDeleteyup, hackney is becoming hackneyed. Leave Bristow alone. His Monday morning fill in was a blessing. No more "KCBS news time____" every 30 seconds
ReplyDeleteIt was Brian who taught me as a young boy what "The Harmonic Convergence" was...and IS.
ReplyDeleteI never listen to the game. Haven't for many months. Is Papa still there? Seriously,if he left I wouldn't know it.
ReplyDeleteInstead of two sports stations creating better talk,it became two of the same thing in the main.
Man,I wear out KPFA,NPR.and KCBS now. I need to know if Trump is dropping the bomb,not Lamonica..
Great rant. Reminded me of "Bluto" Belushi from Animal House when he's shouting and rallying the guys to go get the weasels, "Anthony-he's a goner!...Feldman?! Outta here!...Franklin?!! He's a dead man!!!"
ReplyDelete(Ok, I don't wish that literally of course!)