WELCOME TO THE BAY AREA TV NEWS MORNING FREAK SHOWS BROUGHT TO YOU BY OUTSIDE CONSULTING IDIOTS!
Monday Morning I decided to drink my Peets and watch the local outlets, in depth, and see for myself what I had been hearing from YOU GUYS: the various dwindling viewers. You're right. FREAK SHOW! Holy Toledo, what a load of garbage. A bunch of no-talent hacks and miscreants pretending to be news people. Ha! Better off they should be working the local circus --a pathetic clown act with a cacophony of NOISE, Visual Junk, cheap stunts and total yahoos who should really be checked into Napa State Hospital.
*We begin with Donnie and Marie; the old standby at suddenly visual root canal in the AM, KGO-TV and its band of useless morsels headed by Mr. Dork and his nutty female accomplice, Ms. Dork: Channel 7's gruesome twosome, Reggie Aqui and Natasha Zouves. These moronic idiots have instigated a mutiny at KGO with the senior staff holding private meetings to rebel against the AM yahoos for their disgusting brand of TV News. News? More like a cheap Anaheim high-school lounge act; I knew BOZO 1 was bad, but this bad? Disney is shaking in his grave and Nurse Ratched is drunk at the bar with her 5th shot of 1800. And now we add Butthead Weather guy Mike Nicco to the mix for his amateurish catcalls off camera; who invited this TV mutt to the party? Nicco belongs in the tea cup, strapped down, in Knots Berry Farm. And Sue Hall, the traffic queen? Is ABC sponsoring your extra plastic surgery gourmet? You kind of resemble a blond Cher on steroids. Good God!
*Yo, KPIX: THIS JUST IN: Your Morning News is a disgrace! Michelle Griego, Countess G with all the warmth of an infected bunion is lost --totally lost. And Mr. Choi is yawn central. Why was he hired? Because you needed another Hawaiian? What, was Betty Yu a secret package deal between SF and Honolulu? Congrats PIX for providing Bay Area viewers a place to regurgitate after an all-night drunkfest.
*We've sort of given a pass to KNTV (NBC Bay Area) of late because we have generally liked their programming; their underrated newscasts and quality reporters for the most part; NOT in the morning!
We know Laura Garcia-Cannon has a lot on her mind but my god, LGC, your unnecessary chirping is so embarrassing--at one point Monday, I thought a canary invaded the news desk! And good golly, who the hell is this circus clown, Mike Inouye? I didn't know you guys hired a live human seal to broadcast the traffic. This guy claps his hands more time than the SF Giant's Lou Seal. Inouye's act would play better in a Toledo hen house than San Jose; By the way, Sam Brock? Sam Brock makes Dave Clark look like the Black Walter Cronkite.
*Back in SF we got too much a dose of the usual KRON dumb-shit show with phony Darya Folsom and equally phony Robin Winston (hey Robin, if you're going to post anonymous comments to my blog that rip your co-workers, at least ID yourself; might help you out in the long run and more importantly, greater finance the cosmetics and jell); anyways, I never thought I'd do this: have sympathy for Mark Danon! My gosh, between Darya's BS and the fill-in weather guy on 10X Red Bull, holy teleprompter! You gots lots on the plate!
*Finally, good old KTVU with Foxified DIVA, Gasia Mikaelian, the Elaine Corral on steroids wannabe who possesses all the grace of an Emeryville strip mall. Gasia had a swell Monday: her microwave oatmeal and juice drink were just enough to calm her down; up side? one less selfie with Dave. Down side? She's getting her hair done. Again! Steve, you're doing fine at the weather station and Sal, although we have more personal issues to settle, I still like and appreciate your efforts, just not at THE 9!