|Heather Holmes: More Thin Mints, perhaps?|
|I do believe it's a selfie|
The e-mail was a bit more emphatic and blunt: Most of the theme had to do with the barrage of garbage, or GAR-Bosh the viewers have begun to turn off here in the land of cranes, bicycles, 89 dollar parking meter tickets and crappy local TV News. Tweet that.
Why do you watch, then, Richie?
Well, I do kind of have to, right? What am I supposed to do; turn the radio on? That would be double torture. The coffee is beginning to take effect; good, because I was about to migrate to Facebook to see what Frank Somerville was preaching today; his latest outrage or "I felt a tear in my eye when I read this." Frank gets really teary-eyed lately; I dunno if he's serious or rather Fox insisting he forcefully engage in the 21st Century mishmash of that damn, Social Media. Have you read Frank? I really believe he's become the male Mother Teresa. I think he's found a higher calling than reading those damn teleprompters in Jack London Square. How do I know? Because it's gone viral.
*Gone viral. Sounds like an STD affliction --an affliction. A disease or another Reggie Aqui tweet. Is there a difference? Perhaps we should go to Facebook and Somerville will analyze it and shed a tear or two and his followers will find balance. If not, we can at least see my sister's latest baked eggplant --it's quite lovely to look at and see on display. To hell with the NEWS! Let us see my sister's eggplant, or we shall all be forever doomed.
*"Hey honey, we donated 25 bucks to read this?!!"
*KGO-TV could save money; why waste Reggie's time on an obscure morning program; he could just be in a dark studio all by himself and tweet all day, 24/7! News? Who watches news anymore; Reggie, tweet, Reggie, tweet, it was pre-ordained that you TWEET for the rest of your life! SELFIE TIME!
*Ah, what tranquility in the local TV scene; KGO reduced to morning marginal destruction with an audience dwindling faster than a martini consumption at a Happy Hour, New Jersey Sheraton.
I say we all march over to Grunpy's and get wasted. I'll buy everyone the tuna melt and the rest of 'yous pint down on some overstocked Guinness. That's the ticket!
Could be worse for Reg: he could be Mike Nicco, the "meter-rologist" who loves to get funky in the morning because, 'yall, better to get funky than that damn irritant, news presentation, gettin' in the way. Wait a minute! Did I say news? What the hell is that? News? Has it gone viral? Reggie, through a proxy of his named Suggo Selfie, has called off the party and is lobbying now for that Grumpy's encounter.
*BREAKING NEWS: Heather Holmes waistline is getting so thin staffers have begun quietly demanding she take control. They inundated her desk with Oreo cookies and a crate of 7-11 hotdogs. Holmes apparently wasn't impressed and tossed all the goodies off her desk. Staffers really became worried when Holmes was listening to Karen Carpenter's "We've Only Just Begun." Good News: Holmes is trying to gain a little more weight. Bad News: Holmes was heard in the back office attempting to talk like a pirate.
*Cold War: Holmes and Julie Haener. Potential tug of war.
|The Male Mother Teresa, Frank Somerville, explains life issues; sheds a tear|
|Selfie Time: Donnie and Marie|