50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER
1. Stick a mike-flag up her ass while she's sleeping.
2. Tell her you're not in love with her anymore and you've been stupping Jan Wahl.
3. If you're a woman, at climax, scream out "oh, Phil Simms, Phil Simms!"
4. Tell him you'd like to "have a nice, quiet, romantic, dinner in Super Bowl City."
5. Pretend you're a KNBR intern and promise non-stop Paulie Mac sing-alongs on Radio Row.
6. Decorate the living room like KPIX's new news set overlooking the Embarcadero; dress up like Allan Martin.
7. When he's rubbing your feet and you're day-dreaming about George Clooney, tell him you really dig Coldplay.
8. Fake 50 orgasms.
9. After live shot from Marina Green, tell her "your parents must be proud; you're married to a Charlotte weatherman!"
10. After deep, hot sex, lock him up in the bathroom and make him listen to Gil Gross' monologue.
I'm sure you guys have a few of your own.