The Moment Of Reckoning At KPIX; 415 Media Tells It Like It Is; Blunt Force Analysis Of 855 Battery; The Real Thing You Won't Read Anywhere Else

 KPIX is at a pivotal point of time--its own moment of reckoning --and I say this matter of fact: The station has LOST ITS IDENTITY --wait a minute, KPIX HAS NO IDENTITY!

To be relevant to viewers, people have to care about the news anchors they are watching.  Nobody cares about KPIX --haven't cared for years. This is the point at PIX that has eluded its executives and is one of the main reasons why the CBS SF station has lost its mojo --if it ever had it to begin with you have to go back to the days of Dave McElhatton and Wendy Tokuda. That's a long time ago.


Today, PIX (Channel 5) is loaded with a bunch of bitter, no-talent, sub-prime news and sports anchors with a tremendous dose of blasé. There is NO there there. Nobody commands respect. The best talent, Ken Bastida, has been put out to pasture. Lost in the late-night abyss. Bastida should be on in primetime --everywhere. Allen Martin is a TOTAL failure. He doesn't warm the senses. He hardly smiles. Seriously, Martin sometimes gives the appearance he's having a colonoscopy on the air. That won't work to attract viewers, but Martin, unfortunately for PIX, is not alone.


Let's face it: The Veronica De La Cruz experiment is a bust! That's right, I said it. If De La Cruz put as much work into her news reading as she does with her hair and internet browsing, she'd be an extraordinary success. But she HAS NOT--(TRENDING!) De La Cruz looks completely LOST in space and often times sounds like a tortured canary. Please, GM Bruno Cohen and ND, Dan Rosenheim, something needs to be done here--trim the roster, cut your losses.


And what the hell is going on with Brian Hackney? Hey Brian, your pompousness has reached epic proportions! Hell, if you want to go audition for "60 Minutes", do us all a favor and get on the next red eye for JFK! You stink, Brian, that's right, I said it, you stink. Your air of superiority wreaks of cockiness run amuck --and get this? WHY? In order to pull off that bullshit you have to be someone, generate respect. Hackney, you come off as some dimwitted New Jersey public school teacher and I'm being kind. Go take a day off and try to reinvent yourself.


Then there's Ms. Prima Donna herself, Julie Watts--where do we begin? Honey, if your a consumer advocate I'm a stripper. It's not a pretty picture either way. Watts has all the warmth and gumption of an Oxnard Walmart clerk. "But she really works hard", I'm told by station staffers. So do humming birds in heat. Seriously, Watts is a complete tool and nobody takes her seriously --she ought to bunch up with Hackney and do Sunday community shows that no one watches--she's certainly not helping Monday through Friday.


And PLEASE, someone tell Dennis O'Donnell and Vern Glenn that this is NOT KRON in the 80's. Time passes, dudes. Just what the heck is going on in the sports dept? Dennis, we know you're a cute guy, we get it. But please, quit MUGGING the camera night in an night out--you're not Donny Osmond for heaven's sake. And Vern? Oh my god. Have you lost it, buddy? The copy shifting, the wink of the eye, the irritating-as-all-get-go frequent pregnant pauses --this is not good, Vern. You're beginning to act like some latent, Art Linkletter guy only this is 2015, Vern. Wake up and smell the teleprompter.


KPIX, you are a mess. I said what nobody will say. Management doesn't give a rat's ass, obviously, they're too busy drinking beers at Kokkari and staring at women's tits. Hey guys, the only reason you're in game is because New York only cares about the bottom line and, big deal, if I ran PIX, I too could maintain its profitability --better yet, I alone could make this chicken shit into chicken salad. You want proof? Ask the main man at Black Rock. Yeah, that guy!

The anchor who could not smile, Allen Martin

Seriously, now, PIX, your Moment of Reckoning has arrived only I'm not so sure many of you know it.






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