Howard Stern's Return to terrestrial radio? Bet on it-- The Thursday buzz

SAN FRANCISCO


OK, Howard Stern fans, go ahead and digest this as you sip that fourth cup of 'joe on another gloomy SF day.

Word in NY, sent majestically my way, via the strong rumor mill, is that Howard Stern is mulling the veal real possibility of returning to that desert oasis called terrestrial radio. Seriously, and how's that for a nice 'bababooey'?

Stern's deal with Sirius satellite radio is near expiration, and already the NY media is in deep speculation mode as to where the "King of all Media" will wind up. Or whether he even wants to get back to the radio business at all. Let's answer both questions.

First off, yes, Stern is coming back; radio is his life-blood and where he can dish out his assortment of lesbian jokes, Joan Rivers-"isms", and how bad Gary's breath is.

Many moons ago, Stern left CBS and got a huge chunk of money, (about $500 million and stock options, although about "only" $100 mill was up front) from Sirius in the days before the collapse of the US economy and the current dire straits.

A time, 2006 to be exact, when satellite radio was hotter than hot and people could actually buy cars and, for about 12 bucks a month, listen to their favorite jazz, sports-talk, country music, and oh, yeah, Howard Stern.

2006 seems like ancient history, and the novelty of satellite radio has waned considerably. It doesn't help matters that one of its biggest boosters, (GM) is in the financial tank, and a healthy dose of subscribers have stopped the service. Of course, when you lose your job and stop making your car payment, it's hard to listen to "Jimmy Galley's Top 40 countdown", even without commercials.

Unless of course you're the King of All Media.

Stern still has a loyal fan base and millions of listeners, from the streets of Manhattan to the City by the Bay.

There's been talk in industry circles about the possibility of Sirius/Stern charging a "premium" fee, (say, $15 a month) to finance 'his Howardness extended stay on satellite, but given today's economy and advertiser uncertainty, I doubt that idea has any 'legs, (pardon the Stern pun)
More thah likely, if Stern were to re-emerge on commercial radio, (and I think he will) a major syndicator will work the deal. There was talk that CBS was very interested, but without Mel Karmazin, ( Sirius' chief suit and a Stern ally) at the helm, that's unlikely.

Another strong candidate mentioned was ABC, but given the financial state of Citadel, which owns ABC radio and some affiliated stations, that's also a long shot.
My guess would be that some big radio syndicate, like a "Talk Radio Network" or "Jones Broadcasting" would be major players. For one, they have a bevy of big stations in big markets and the financial ability to meet Stern, and more importantly, his crafty agent, Don Buchwald's money stratus.

There are some naysayers that insist that Stern would never return to the broadcast arena he so ardently detested, and what about the "swear words?" Please, be serious.
For another glob of money he really doesn't need, and the chance of getting back the buzz; the daily content of Stern chatter that has eluded him during his satellite reigh, Stern will make a deal under the right circumstances. So, can't use the "f"-word--big deal.

Why? Because making movies takes too long and prevents a real "shock jock" from maintaining his trade.

Howard's 'shtick is based mostly on topical matters, with assorted celebrity guests, semi-nude women, Robin, and his stable of regulars, minus Captain 'Janks, (mr. phoney phone-calls, who was recently busted)

Radio is his therapy, and more importanly, a venue to air his occasionally hysterical, neurotic rants.

Expect to hear Howard back on terrestrial radio sometime in 2010 and have a 'bababooey of a day.

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